Life goes on...

Sands of time

2010-08-08T01:35:00.003+05:30

Sands of time slipping through my fingers

Flowing like streams of water

Not to worry

They flow back

In to the endless ocean of sand

Without hurry

I will grab another handful

And savour the feel

Of sand slipping through my fingers

More than that...

2010-02-05T01:28:00.001+05:30

To repay evil for evil is ethics. To repay good for evil is grace.

The world has gone beyond the point where morals and ethics work. The need of the hour is grace.

Hindsight...

2010-01-28T23:03:00.002+05:30

With hindsight, I would have done certain things differently, but I wouldn't have had the hindsight if I didn't do those things.

Dreaming on...

2010-01-28T10:10:00.002+05:30

There are a few things that are a constant in the world. They may be expressed differently at different times, but they continue to exist. The struggle between the powerful and the powerless, that between good and evil, and that between idealists and status-quo'ers.

It is difficult being a dreamer. Constant struggle against the tide is the way of life. But they wouldn't have it any other way. If anything, it is the struggle that whets their appetite for more. Yes. They do pull out of the stream every once in a while to recoup the strength and reassess the path of the river only to dive straight back into the river to continue their swim against the tide.

Even if it takes aeons, even if they don't see evidence, they continue and they persist. Sometimes violently. Sometimes silently.

It is these people that change the course of the river. May God give them strength and ever use them to bring the Kingdom.

Shrinking Villages and Green Cities

2010-01-19T09:01:00.005+05:30

Most of my vacations and holidays were spent in my aunt's village. Days were spent going from one farm to the other, walking in the shades of coconut trees, playing in water, observing farm what farm labourers did, riddling them and they riddling me, sowing groundnuts, transplanting onion saplings, sitting on the cane chair outside in the evening and watching the stars...

Over the years things have started to change. Many farmers have opted to do coconut farms instead of crops. Some have stopped farming altogether. Many farmlands are being purchased by 'developers' and are plotted into 'sites' and are being sold to people who may want to build their retirement homes in the future. All these are signs of 'development' around here. Things are becoming urban. Anju had written about a similar experience about a year and a half ago.

I suppose it is inevitable. As the population increases more forests get converted into farmland, farmland into house, and on and on it goes. I also suppose it is justified as farmers aren't protected or incentivised for growing food. Urban development and industrialization seems to be the focus. Rural development, although talked about and certain things being done for the sake of having done something about it, isn't really the focus. Throw into this cauldron freebies that politicians give away to ensure strong vote-bank, we seem to have the perfect strategy for going downhill.

However, certain things give me hope. All is not lost. This article - although happening in Detroit - shows me that things are possible. Development keeps coming back to empowerment.

Abandoned... NOT

2010-01-07T13:30:00.002+05:30

Alright. I did abandon my blog for this long. Hope to turn over a new leaf. New year is a good time to do that, eh?

Thought i'd post this random, albeit insightful(!), conversation i had with my friend yesterday.

Well. She's a person who would say it as it is. Someone who you'd say is blunt. Someone that has a sharp tongue. I, on the other hand, am a person with a smooth tongue. Very diplomatic (i think).

Somehow, the words 'sharp' and 'blunt' seem unsuited. Don't you think?

Besides, it takes a very sharp knife to cut something very smoothly.

So... the point being...

Ah well. Life goes on...

Making sense...

2009-08-06T17:36:00.003+05:30

There is nothing new under the sun. Even the thoughts which are new to me aren’t really new. Other people would have thought up those ideas long ago. Even now there could be a number of people having the same ideas. What then makes my thoughts special?

Is it the personal discovery of it? Perhaps.

What moves me to share those thoughts with others? Is it to see if there is anybody who would understand me and share my discovery with me? To see if there are others who think like me? Perhaps.

Perhaps we all seek to connect and understand and make sense. Perhaps, each of us brings different pieces of the jigsaw. Each of us puts out the pieces of puzzle that we hold helps us makes sense of the bigger. Perhaps that is why melding your thought with mine makes better sense.

The big picture, I suppose, is the same old, same old. However, discovering the varied different pieces, seeing it come together, and watching the meaningfulness emerge is new. It is brand new.

Jealous

2009-05-21T13:38:00.001+05:30

Jealousy, like a drop of heavy poison

Grips my heart and drags it down

Through the mud

I try to grab my heart

And squeeze the last drop

Out of it

While i rest

Thinking that I’m rid of the poison

I feel my heart become heavy again

The darkness stains my mind

The claws clutch my conscience

Drop by drop

Little by little

Claw by claw

I will be rid of it

By the power of Him

who can rid me of it

Stories

2009-05-17T11:30:00.006+05:30

I have been wondering at the power stories hold.

Stories are a part of everybody's lives. I, too, have had my fair share of stories - both consuming them and creating them. From the stories my mother would read in the newspaper supplements and tell me going to bed, to the fictions i have guzzled, to the movies i've watched, to the funny anecdotes that are repeated ever so often, and the stuff i've read and written in blogs. There is nothing new about stories.

Yet, they are so fascinating. Recently, i have been wondering at the power stories hold. Stories bring home reality like nothing else does, even if it is just imagined fiction. I amazed at the way a human being can connect to the life and experiences of another person, in another situation, in another world altogether.

I am sure there are a number of rational explanations as to why it happens, but that still does not diminish the wonder of it all.

The movie Australia, although not one of the best ones, really struck a chord in me. This brought to life the experiences of the Stolen Generation. Stolen Generation was something that was close to my heart, because of the stories my good friend from the down under shared with me when explaining to me what brought her to India.

There are stories that have made me feel helpless. Slumdog Millionaire, Hard-boiled Wonderland, Disgrace. While the injustice is made apparent in the imagined world, it brings home the reality in my world. Like the protagonists in these stories, there is nothing you can do.

And then, there are stories that have warmed my heart. The struggle between good and evil and the eventual triumph of good. I especially love stories where the struggle between good and evil takes place in one person's heart and not necessarily between the good party and the bad party. In essence, the good and the bad dwell in the same person. That person's victory over the evil in their heart is something that gives me hope.

There are imperfect stories, with the not so perfect ending. Nonetheless, reflecting the imperfection of the world and its people. This in itself is a revelation of the desire for perfection.

Well, there are all sorts of stories out there. And i hope to relish them, and let them do their thing in my heart. For often, data justifies my motivation, but it is stories that provide the motivation.

You learn

2009-05-11T22:36:00.002+05:30

I am doing a few things at this point of time in my life...

Wondering who to vote for on Wednesday
Taking the summer for what it is with minimal complaining about heat
Loving work
Loving my new place (it's not quite so new now)
Learning some new things
Unlearning some old things
Relearning some unlearned things
Trying to get my blog up and running again
Contemplating changing the layout and design, etc.

What's up with you this summer?

Fossils and other troubles in office...

2009-05-05T12:09:00.004+05:30

1. Every time i want to open my hotmail account, i type in 'hot' and hit enter. Unfortunately, the auto complete does not take me to hotmail unless i type 'hotm'. And the result? It takes me to the google page for hot...

2. I cleaned my desk after a long time, and this is what i found...For those of you wondering what it is, it is a fossil (?) of a dead house (or office in this case) lizard. A baby by the looks of it...

Don't ask...

Everybody's gotto have their say (about elections), cause that's what we do in democracy

2009-04-30T13:02:00.000+05:30

This morning I woke up uttering the word ‘idiots.’ There was a speaker blaring loud, inane songs*, the lyrics of which were interspersed with mention of the symbol used by one of the major** parties here.

There are certain things that I don’t understand. Canvassing methods used by the political parties here is one such recent mystery. While technology and advertising have taken giant steps forward with all their subliminal messages and whatnots, the canvassing methods seem to have got stuck in a time warp. There is nothing subliminal about them. Absolutely nothing.

Well, I must confess they have made some sort of progress. They used those larger versions of bullhorn sort of speakers before. Now the normal kind of speakers are used, although that still hasn’t affected the quality of sound.

And oh, I’ve also managed to catch glimpses of different dances and buggy rides that have been used in canvassing in certain other parts of the country. From what little I saw/read of those, it just looked comical.

From what little I have perceived in the last couple of months, this year’s canvassing seems to have turned away from all the real issues and have turned toward these varying kinds and degrees of stupidity. This, I believe, is a ‘distraction technique’ something akin to what we would do to keep a child from crying or something like that.

Coming back to the issue at hand, perhaps, what happened this morning was a stride forward in canvassing techniques. May be, just may be, the opposing party was the one that was blaring the noise so loud, at 6 am in the morning, so that people will be put off from voting for that particular party.

All this makes it increasingly difficult to ‘choose’ whom I should vote for. Or perhaps, should I say, this has only made it easier?

* They couldn’t exhibit creativity even in the songs! The tunes are all popular Tamil movie song tunes, which are sometimes copies themselves.

** I’m not sure if there are majority parties in India anymore, nor even majority ‘coalition’ of parties.

Me

2009-03-11T13:38:00.004+05:30

I don't have it in me
To be what you want me
to be
To be what i ought
to be

Who is me?
A somebody that already is?
Or a somebody that is still becoming?

How far do i stretch out
before i stop being me?
How far do i stretch out
to become me?

All in a box

2009-03-07T16:27:00.000+05:30

I am packing to move houses. And my favourite place to start is the bookshelf. As I try to figure how to place the books of such various dimensions, I wonder why they can’t be all of the same shape and size to make packing neat and easy.

I smile. It is the difference that makes each unique. The length, the breath, the thickness, the binding, the cover, the content… Each so different.

And they shall all have a place in the cardboard cartons.

I sigh

2009-01-23T15:15:00.004+05:30

Drowning in a sea of thoughts
Waves crashing
One against another
And new ones forming
Rushing towards my conscious mind

I struggle to resurface
To thrust my head
Through the crashing thoughts
I gasp for breath
I sigh

My friends tease me about the number of times i sigh. I quite didn't know how to explain why i sighed so much. And i didn't intend to write this thing as an explanation. I sat sighing this morning and this is what came out of it. :-)

Should have done this earlier, but i suppose i'm not too late...

2009-01-21T14:44:00.004+05:30

Happy New Year, folks!

Revisiting places... and memories...

2008-12-28T19:56:00.004+05:30

My facebook status said that I was visiting one my favourite places on earth.

Certain things make certain places special. Sometimes it is the sheer beauty of the place. It could also be the people there. Certain times it is simply the memories that place holds for you.

This place that I went to sure holds a lot of memories for me. Most of my holidays were spent there. Roaming the farms, playing in the sand, making bullock cart miniatures, learning to climb trees (never did succeed. I tried to start with a coconut tree. Bad choice for beginners.), and learning to play gilli thandu (which, again, I failed at).

My aunt and uncle don’t live in the farm house anymore. They’ve moved to the village proper. And these days when I visit, I don’t usually visit the farms. Today I decided to.

The funny thing with growing up is everything that looked big and far don’t seem that big or far anymore. Not much has changed except that one of the farms has become a coconut farm, the farm house is gone, though there is a portion of the old building still standing. The bend in the road is still the same. And the bumps. You use the age old trick to escape dogs – bend down pretending to pick a stone. And oh, some things were bigger. The coconut trees in one of the farms that I used to walk past. They’ve grown quite tall.

On the way back I spotted a peacock.

I love villages. I love this particular village.

I would love to hear about your favourite places and the memories they hold for you. So, let's play tag.
Marsha, here's one more blog idea for you. Madison and Sandy, i love your stories and insights. Anju, i know you have some stories and you are dying to tell them. Clarissa, if you want to play along. And anybody else that wants to reminisce, please play along.

Sometimes, i've been called a Grinch...

2008-12-22T16:17:00.003+05:30

I've been tagged!

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
Like the person who tagged me, I haven’t had egg nog. So, I will go for hot chocolate.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
No Santa. No Christmas trees. Friends and family give me gifts. Friends usually wrap them. Family just give them.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
Again, no Christmas tree. And, no lights on the house. The lights in the house are usually the fluorescent bulbs and them yellow blubs which consume lot of energy.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
No mistletoe. Haven’t seen one in my life. Ever. Well, except on television, I suppose.

5. When do you put your decorations up?
Ummm… I don’t put up decorations.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
Guess it would be what I eat at Thom’s Christmas party.

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child:
As a child, I was back from my boarding school for the holiday season. And I guess my favorite memory is of going to my aunt’s place and roaming around on the farms.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
Well, I didn’t know I was supposed to believe in him in the first place. My early memories of Santa were of this somebody who was dressed as one distributing prizes during some school Christmas celebration. And no, there was no gift-receiving during Christmas.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
Ummm… The last couple of years I opened them on either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. This year I forgot and opened it on the day I received it. Yes, I am the one that Anju is talking about.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
See response to no. 2.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
I have never ever seen snow.

12. Can you ice skate?
Nope.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
Umm. I guess there are quite a lot.

14. What is the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
Friends and food. Family doesn’t really celebrate Christmas.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
See response to no. 6.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
Don’t have holiday traditions really.

17. What tops your tree?
No tree.

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving?
Both.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?
O, Come all ye faithful

20. Candy Canes: Yuck or Yum?
Not really fond of candies.

21. What do you want for Christmas?
World peace?! Ha ha.

22. Do you attend an annual Christmas Party?
Guess it would be Powerhouse’s and Thom’s and those that my friends host. Used to go to the Svobodas’, but they’ve moved. :-(

23. Do you dress up on Christmas or wear PJs?
I dress normally.

24. Do you own a Santa hat?
Nope.

25. Who do you normally spend Christmas with?
Friends from church. But this year it’s with family.

And I tag Sandy, Julie, Clement and anybody who wants to play it...

Memories

2008-12-22T00:48:00.001+05:30

I have been listening to stories. From people who have seen quite a bit of life. (I hope to be such a story-teller when I am their age!) While I have learned a lot from those conversations, there’s this thing that stands out for me now.

What you are actually left with are memories. And a good life is a shoe-box full of good memories from which you can pull out snapshots of people and past, look at the moments frozen in time and smile…

Humility

2008-12-20T12:26:00.002+05:30

Humility does not come from debasing oneself. Humility should proceed from being fully aware of who we are, what our weaknesses and strengths are. And it comes from the willingness to place ourselves lower than others despite how big or how good we are.

Analogies

2008-12-08T07:00:00.001+05:30

Analogies and examples - even if they are really brilliant - do not prove a point. They only clarify it.

Stolen moments

2008-12-02T12:57:00.000+05:30

If i could write about one thing today, what would it be about?

Perhaps, it will be about stolen moments.

No, i am not talking about the moments stolen from us. Rather, these are the moments that we steal from life, like gulping down a lungful of fresh air before ducking back into water.

The moment of silence in the restroom away from the crowd
The quick moment of looking up and acknowledging God in the midst of a hectic day
The moment you allow yourself to be drawn into the beauty around you
The moment between turning off the light and your head hitting the pillow
The moment of repentance
The moment of release
The moment of glimpsing the big picture
The moment when hope's restored
The moment when peace is made
The moment when you feel God smile at you

The stolen moments from the pool of time...

Speck

2008-11-14T13:17:00.000+05:30

I have a speck in my eye. Literally inside my eye. It is one of the floating things you see when you look at the clear blue sky. There are many other specks in my eyes that float around, but this one is prominent. It is dark unlike the other specks and it is bigger too.

I see this speck. It moves when I move my eyes. It goes up. It goes down. And left. And right. It is there. It annoys me.

I look at the mountain before me. Beautiful and green. Bluish too? Cloud-capped peaks. A sliver of white tucked in its folds. A waterfall. A portion of the mountain spotlighted by a beam of sunlight.

I have a choice. To focus on the ever present speck.

Or to drink in the beauty of the mountain.

I cannot do both, for one always clouds the other.

Of bus breakdowns and shooting stars...

2008-11-11T22:20:00.002+05:30

Mind has a way of remembering the out-of-the-way things as opposed to the normal, run-of-the-mill things. And these out-of-the-way things are what become milestones in our memory lane…

…like a bus break-down. And the clear dark sky outside. And the spotting of a shooting star dart across that clear sky.

Fearful hope

2008-10-22T17:49:00.000+05:30

Your heart skips a beat. You wonder at the possibility. You begin to dream. You begin to soar. Just as soon as you started to soar, you feel the tug. Fear checks in. You assess the reality around you. And then take stock of the impossibility. You dig your heel harder into the firm ground of reality.

It is better to be pleasantly surprised than to be disappointed.

The hypocrisy of anti-conversion laws

2008-09-22T21:05:00.005+05:30

Various states in India have enacted 'Freedom' of Religion Acts and Anti-Conversion Act providing or prohibition of conversion from one religious faith to any other by use of force or inducement or by fraudulent means and for matters connected therewith.

The definitions used in one such Act goes like this:

(b) "force" shall include a show of force or a threat of injury of any kind including threat of divine displeasure or social excommunication;

(d) “inducement” shall include the offer of any gift or gratification, either in cash or in kind and shall also include the grant of any benefit, either pecuniary or otherwise; may make rules for the purpose of carrying out the provisions of this Act.

Now what I don't get is, why are people being forced to 'reconvert' at the point of swords and sickles and weapons? What do the laws and people behind the making of these laws have to say about this?

A familiar place...

2008-09-07T21:45:00.003+05:30

I am in a place where i feel my confidence waning. In a place where i feel like giving it up and running away. This is not an unfamiliar place. I have been here before. A number of times. The Lord has delivered me before. I know the Lord with deliver me again, but... I cannot help wondering about how i will get through it this time.

Life is much easier when you can sail through it without having to worry about a thing. When it is all easy sailing, but often that is not the case. There are days when the weather is good and sailing smooth. And then there are days when the storms hit hard around you...

And you would think that sinking is the only way out.
And you will even reach a point where you don't care whether you sink or stay afloat. As days go by, and as the number of storms you've faced increases, you even give up fighting.
You sit there simply staring at the storm.
Hoping it would go away. Hoping that the sky would be clear again.
It is not hoping against hope (for you know deep in your heart that there is hope).
It is simply not hoping...
You are left with an empty restlessness in your heart. A protest without strength in it. A dumb acceptance of the situation without a fight. Yet, with a struggle.

You know all the answers. You are aware of the words of comfort. But you don't have the desire to speak them to yourself. Neither do you care to hear it from anybody else. You don't care for words.

You go about doing the usual things. Yet wishing you didn't have to. Yet not willing to throw it away for you know that it is your lot - that which you are going through.

"Have faith," it is said. It doesn't even occur to me to have more faith. The storm is raging in front of my eyes. And that is all i can see. I hope to be a bit more peaceful about the storm. But peace eludes me. And the only faith i seem to have is what is given me. A remnant. And perhaps the remnant is enough.

"My grace is sufficient for you. My strength is made perfect in your weakness."

Lord, i believe. Help my unbelief.

This is something that came out of a period of wrestling with myself. If and when i do start my other blog, these are the kind of things i will be writing in it...

Them

2008-08-05T14:40:00.001+05:30

There will be 'us' and 'them' for as long as there is an 'I' and a 'you.'

The 'I' and the 'you' is. It is reality. The two can appear to be the same but yet, they are very different.

‘Us’ does not happen by obscuring the difference. ‘Us’ does not happen by disguising it with sameness. ‘Us’ happens only by recognizing the difference, and by embracing it.

When ‘I’ and ‘you’ become one, there is only ‘us.’ There is no ‘them.’

Memories revisited

2008-07-30T08:36:00.003+05:30

I haven’t heard some sounds in a long time. I love the fierce sounds of nature – that of thunder and wind especially. I remember when I studied in a boarding school up in the hills I used to hear these sounds often. The sound of rolling thunder. It was a sound that was frightening to many, but to me it was the sound of Majesty.

And then there is the sound of the wind. The tall eucalyptus and the other kinds of trees sliced through the wind that blew through the woods. The sound mere whistle some times; and it would be howling and wailing at other times.

Living in a city has its benefits. And you quite forget that these sounds exist. You read about them at times. You remember them wistfully. But those are passing moments. Thankfully the gentle breeze still blows in the cities. I love the feel of gentle breeze upon my face. They say it is a reminder that God is still at work…

These few days are refreshing. I am vacationing at my cousin’s. I can wake up in the morning, walk out of the house and look at a field, lots of sky, and the hills…

And you can hear the gusty wind bellowing through the trees… You can hear the wind howl…

(This was written on 28th July when i was vacationing and i wasn't connected.)

Reconnecting...

2008-07-14T23:26:00.007+05:30

The last few weeks have been weeks of connecting and reconnecting with people. I, personally, did reconnect with a number of people. And I saw some people reconnect as well. And in some instances, I put off reconnecting and lost the chance to connect forever.

The reasons why connections had broken varied:

The most mundane, and the usual reason. Busyness.

People have gone their own way which tended to be in different direction.

Geographical distance.

Laziness.

Assumptions. Assumptions arising out of past events… Events which were not discussed and sorted out.

Misunderstanding and past hurts.

Drifting apart - unconsciously. Gradually. Without notice.

Similarly, various things that caused reconnection:

Determination and conscious effort - by either one or both parties to connect again. Deliberately making time for one another. Even if it means taking some sort of extra effort to make it fit in both of your schedules.

Picking up that phone and making the call. Now.

Travelling - this kind of overcomes the geographical distance.

Willing to take the risk. Willing to put aside our assumptions and to become vulnerable. Taking that one chance that our assumptions may be wrong.

Forgiving and putting aside differences. Being willing to talk it out.

Looking in your calendar and marking out time for meeting with old friends. And then calling the friends and asking them to block the date in their calendars as well.

Persistence - some people need that. But don't be persistent to the point of being annoying.

And in some cases, losing your mobile phone can also cause you to reconnect. :)

And the reconnections had these effects on me:

"Gosh! I had actually missed this person and didn't realise it for this long."

"It is wonderful to pick up from where we left. It is great that I can be as honest and vulnerable with this person as I was then."

"Wow! We've both grown and matured. And we still click."

"I still love this person…"

"It's so wonderful to laugh like we used to…"

And while saying all this, I must also mention that one of the members of my extended family died. We were planning to visit them just two days before she died, but we put it off for another day that would never come…

So people, pick up that phone and make that call. Spend a couple of minutes and email. Look in your calendar and see who you want to meet up with for coffee today. Get to know the person you've been wanting to get to know…

p.s. - Do feel free to share your reconnection stories. Treat this as a tag if you will.

The mask and the wall...

2008-07-09T16:23:00.005+05:30

There are some who wear a mask... Or many different masks. And then there are some who put up a wall.

If the different 'facades' we show to different people (or in different situations) are masks, then we are left with only different kinds of masks. There is no real face.

I prefer the wall. It signifies that people do get a glimpse of the real you but in measured bits. When discussing this with a friend, he came up with the concept of walls with holes. That is what it is. We choose different sizes and patterns for the holes depending on the people we are with or the situation we are in.

Masks hide. Walls (with holes) reveal. Whether we want to hide or reveal determines whether we wear a mask or put up a wall.

Note: This post has its roots in one of the weekend conversations with these people.

p.s. - It is interesting that one of the above mentioned people had written about this almost two years ago and i had posted a long comment in response...

Making sense of it...

2008-07-03T23:45:00.001+05:30

All good stories have a plot. In a novel, in a movie, nothing happens without reason. In the end everything comes together. It all makes sense - eventually.

There is this desire in us that things should make sense. At least in the end. We do not like movies that don't tie it up well and books that leave us with more questions than answers.

This desire is reflected in the way we view life. We expect life to have a plot. We either try to make sense of what the plot is. Or we seek to fill in the gaps so that it makes sense. Or believe that it will all make sense in the end - like in the movies and books…

But will it?

Are we there yet?

2008-07-03T22:59:00.002+05:30

When do we actually arrive?

From when we are born we are in a constant state of preparation. They prepare us so that we can get in to school. And then, they prepare us to go to college. This is just so that we will be prepared for the future.

When do we actually arrive at the 'future?' Where is this 'future?'

Once we finish college we think we will arrive there. Perhaps we do. We are suddenly faced with a whole new life of 'adulthood' before us. And we find ourselves fumbling, floundering and flustering. Has all our young days been spent preparing for this? We continue to do what we have best learned to do - to prepare for the future.

So when do we arrive? I believe that we arrive only when we learn that life is happening in the here-and-now. While we live with one eye on the future, we need to appreciate and relish the present. We need to be aware of the sands of time that we hold in our hands… and feel its grains even as it slips through our fingers… When we have learned that, we have arrived.

Freedom

2008-06-24T21:19:00.002+05:30

Depending on others is looked down on. It is seen as a sign of helplessness. And independence is an exalted 'virtue.' People take pride in the fact that they lead their own lives and are self-made people and so on. However, my experience tells me that none of us are really independent. We are all interdependent. I need to depend on the farmer to grow food so that I can have food on the table. I depend on the grocer to procure that for me. He depends on a whole network of people to do that. None of us are really independent.

If this is the case, why are we so keen on being independent? This seems to have happened because of our understanding of freedom. With the past century's history widespread of colonization and oppression of people groups and nations, we've come to value freedom very highly. Freedom has become synonymous with independence. And thus, I think, we have elevated independence to such great heights that it is hurting us.

In fact, we have become prisoners of independence and in that, we have lost our freedom. Freedom to be real. Freedom to be vulnerable. Freedom to be ourselves. We seek so much to appear strong and independent, we are willing to be who we are not. We enslave ourselves to work so that we can make enough money to be 'independent.'

We don't stop at that. We imprison those who appear weak by expecting them to measure up to our standards of independence.

There's room for more...

2008-06-17T09:42:00.003+05:30

Inclusion and exclusion are concepts that I have been toying with in my head for quite some time. I have been wanting to write about it, but the thoughts were pretty hazy and not complete. I cannot claim that I have resolved it entirely. Anyways, here goes…

In the 'The Inner Ring,' C. S. Lewis talks about one seeking to be in the inner ring. Many seek to be part of the inner ring. Many create the inner ring. The inner ring is created by exclusion. In Nineteen Minutes, this kid who is part of the 'cool clan' says something to the effect of "There can't be 'us' without 'them.'" It is almost as if the inner ring is created so that 'I' can feel special. Then, the sole motivation and the reason for survival of the inner rings, it seems, is because it acts as a crutch on which our flailing, floundering, insecure ego can support itself.

When I try to understand how Jesus lived, I found Him to be a very inclusive person. There was always room for the outcast, the sinner, the goof ball, the scum at His table. I believe that this inclusion stems from His security. He was secure in His identity. He knew who He was. He didn't feel the need to protect Himself and His ego. He didn't need to have a platinum credit card, be a member of 'exclusive' clubs, wear expensive designer clothes and accessories to make Himself feel significant*. He knew who He was and He was okay with that. And this, I guess, made people comfortable too. They didn't have to have certain 'qualities' so that they can be included in His exclusive club**.

Well, let me see what the point of this post was. Well, I was just wondering how inclusive I was willing to be… And I guess the only way I can become inclusive is if I am secure in who I am.

Social inclusion is a concept that I have come across during the course of my work. I guess for social inclusion to happen, that social institution/organization needs to be secure in what it is.

* This is not to say that it is wrong to have these things. I am only questioning the motive behind having and seeking after these things.

** This is to accept that, yes, it has been made out to be exclusive clubs these days. But I believe that Jesus did not intend it to be that way.

The book meme: Pt 2

2008-06-14T00:35:00.003+05:30

I was tagged for a second and third time for the book meme. And since there are so many books to choose from, i am playing it for the second time.

Again, there are so many books to choose from and I am wondering which one it should be…

Alright. It is going to be my last weekend read - Agatha Christie's Five Little Pigs.

And the sentences,

"No."

The word came sharply - with almost an anguished rapidity Meredith Blake said, his face flushing:

"I abandoned the whole thing - dismantled it. I couldn't go on with it - how could I?"

And i am not tagging anybody particular this time around. Play along if you choose to.

Child Labour

2008-06-13T17:19:00.006+05:30

Yesterday was observed the Anti-Child Labour Day. And Child Labour is apparently illegal in India. That being the case, I wonder why I saw a 12-something kid standing in the middle of the road, trying to open a man-hole with a crow-bar. He was standing behind this Metro Water lorry.

World Vision India and NalandaWay have organized an exhibition - At the Cost of Childhood - to put on spotlight the existence and reality of child labour. It is open till tomorrow. I am hoping to visit tomorrow.

When bloggers meet...

2008-06-13T16:30:00.003+05:30

...we blog about it.

Chennai bloggers meet is something that's already been reported in quite a few blog and in the media as well.

Well, when I read about bloggers meet in the many blogs that I have come across, I did not think that it would happen here. And I did not imagine myself attending one... Wait. May be I did. Anyways, when I heard about it I wasn’t quite sure why I wanted to attend it. I almost gave it up for my Sunday afternoon nap, but decided to go. That was that. I went. Met people that I had met before. The only blogger that I knew in person was Anju. And there were many others whose blogs I had no idea existed. And was glad to discover some of them.

You can read about how some people almost caused a riot in these three blogs.

And oh, I got a t-shirt too… While some people got two… Hmpf.

North and South

2008-06-06T23:28:00.001+05:30

Global South was a phrase I heard quite a bit when I was travelling this time around. And all i have to say is this...

Global North and Global South are not geographical demarcations… They exist in every neighbourhood...

Six-word memoir meme

2008-06-04T21:28:00.005+05:30

Sandy tagged me with the six-word memoir meme so long ago. Here are the rules.

1. Write the title to your own memoir using six words.

2. Post it on your blog.

3. Link to the person who tagged you.

4. Tag five more blogs.

While Sandy had a couple of interesting titles, the best that I could come up with for my memoir is this:

This weird thing called 'my life…'

(yes, I'm ending it with three dots/ellipsis…)

Now, I tag Anju (because she likes this kind of stuff), Brandy ('cos I think her life is darn interesting - well, at least the way she narrates stuff), Angel ('cos I haven't heard from her so long), Clarissa ('cos she hasn't heard from me for so long), and Julie ('cos she's in the process of writing novels. She might as well get started on her memoir).

Venting out...

2008-06-04T21:12:00.000+05:30

One of the best ways to write something when you have nothing to start of with is to just start. And that is what I am doing. I am hoping that as I go along something will come out of this process. Also, I seem to be writing only when I don't feel the greatest. Perhaps I like venting out.

But what do I vent out about? That the world is not going to change and there is no use trying to? That I still am the hypocrite that I always knew I was? And worse still, I refuse to do anything about it… Or do I wonder about the whole meaning and purpose thing? I have done it all before. Yet, it has taken me nowhere. So here I am, venting out still…

So this has been a pointless post. Sorry about that.

Tangle

2008-05-22T16:13:00.001+05:30

It is all a pointless tangle

Knotted in

Knotted out

The seeker and his journey

The lover and his longing

The rich and his wealth

The poor and his anguish

The meaning and the search for it

Untangling it

Sometimes slowly

Sometimes hurriedly

Sometimes giving up

Pointless Pointless

For the tangle remains

Trip and tripping

2008-04-29T07:03:00.002+05:30

We walked into Starbucks to get coffee (*duh*). G asks me what I want. I couldn't make up my mind between cappuccino and coffee frappuccino. So, I ended up asking for crappuccino…

G and Sophie dropped me off at my friend's place and they went exploring the little city of Lebanon. They had visited Strover Dam Park during their exploration. When my friend asked where they visited our forgetful G said that they went to some dam park.

Living with G's family, I've come to understand something of Sophie's lifecycle. It consists of three main events that keep repeating themselves one after the other…

"I'm hungry"

"I'm tired"

"I'm sleepy"

Differences

2008-04-20T20:54:00.002+05:30

Being in a new place has you more alert to the nuances that you would otherwise miss due to habit. It is almost as if you get a new pair of eyes to look at the good ol' world. And it has been great.

On the surface I saw differences. It was easier to spot the differences. Isn't that what we are trained to do? Spot the difference. Grade the attributes. And assign values to them.

But…

Beyond all the barriers, the great divides, the differences, the gaps,

Beneath the surfaces, the appearances,

There is a bridge

There is the depth

On the other side

In the deep

There is a person

Just like me

Unspoken

2008-03-27T10:40:00.000+05:30

Unspoken desires

Unshed tears

Unheard words

Unfathomable depth

Infinite God

On riding with lizards and smiling at strangers

2008-03-25T13:44:00.005+05:30

I was riding to work as usual this morning. And I was letting thoughts run through my head as well. And I was running a bit late as I was running my scooter after 4 long days of not riding it and letting it get wet in the rain. Hence, the starting trouble and stalling at the signal and all…

Anyways, that is not the point of my story. So, while I was riding my scooter and running a bit behind schedule, I had to stop at yet another signal when these two blokes on a bike rushed to the empty spot next to my bike and said, "There's a lizard on your helmet. Don't remove it fast. Unbuckle it slowly, and remove it gently." And I did. And they took the helmet from me and sort of jerked the lizard away! And it wasn't a small one.

While I am not afraid of lizard, I cannot say that they are on my 'favorite animals' list either. In fact, they take a place in my 'yucky creatures' list.

And I was amazed that this creature had to sit on my helmet riding with me, and from what one of the other guys at the signal said, it had been riding with me for about a kilometer or two! I clearly remembered my helmet sans the lizard when I wore it this morning. Anyways, the point of the story is kindness of strangers.

After all said and done, I definitely love my country. I love the people. While there are some jerks*, there are also some kind people. And it is easy to laugh, and share a moment of one's life with them, even if it is for just a brief while like waiting at the signal.

Yesterday, when I was taking a train to work, I was stuck without Rs. 4 in change. I had only a Rs. 20 currency note. The person at the ticket counter asked me to wait till someone gave change. While I was waiting, there was this lady that came by and asked me up to where I had to go. I told her and she bought me a ticket.

The train journey wasn't exactly what I would have preferred. Well, what can I expect if I were travelling the wrong direction at the wrong time? I understood the meaning of 'sardines in a tin.' But, it was amazing the camaraderie that emerged among people in that situation. In fact, another person that got out at the same station as I walked with me a bit and we were talking to each other till we had to part ways.

I did not exchange numbers with any of these people. I did not ask for any of their names (well, except for the person that walked with me). I don't think I will even remember their faces. But for a brief moment our lives intersected and we shared a smile.

* Subjects of entirely different posts...

Passion

2008-03-21T11:17:00.000+05:30

What love is this

That it walked the path of suffering

Pain and humiliation

What love is this

That stayed on the Cross

And refused to come down

What love is this

That has adopted me

Unworthy as I am

What love is this

That grants me space to rest

In Your presence

What love is this

That did not stop at the Cross

But keeps on loving me

Every moment...

That thinks of me

Without cease...

Art

2008-03-15T12:06:00.005+05:30

When I struggle with writing, the easiest way out I have found is to share something of what I am currently reading. There is this portion found in Doctor Zhivago (by Boris Pasternak) that really, really appealed to me. The author put in words what I knew in my heart. Oftentimes the material conceals the non-material and the material overshadows it. But it is the non-material which makes the material valuable. In this passage, what Pasternak calls 'art' is what I call the 'non-mateiral.'

"I have always thought that art is not a category, not a realm covering innumerable concepts and derivative phenomena, but that, on the contrary, it is something concentrated, strictly limited. It is a principle that is present in every work of art, a force applied to it and a truth worked out in it…

"A literary creation can appeal to us in all sorts of ways - by its theme, subject, situations, characters. But above all it appeals to us by the presence in it of art…

"…You can call it an idea, a statement about life, so all-embracing that it can't be split up into separate words; and if there is so much as a particle of it in any work that includes other things as well, it outweigh all the other ingredients in significance and turns out to be the essence, the heart and soul of the work." (Emphasis mine.)

While you all figure out this post, I will figure out my next post. :-)

The wheel

2008-03-03T23:20:00.002+05:30

A feeling of being stuck

Caught in the rut

No escape

The wheel churning

and down

and up

and down

Incessantly

Without pause

I want to break free

To where?

Another wheel?

a jagged circle

2008-03-02T08:10:00.007+05:30

Circle is perfect. No beginning. No end. Complete…

Jagged edge is not. A number of beginnings and a number of ends. All abrupt. Rough. Incomplete. It is not perfect.

Jagged circle is the reality. Jagged circle is what is. Perfection and imperfection. Co-existing…

The jagged circle is I...

Psst... 'a jagged circle' is going to be the title of my new blog and this is the idea behind it. I'm still wondering what sort of blog that should be as i don't want to give up 'Life goes on' either...

and oh, it is my birthday today! :-)

and, this is my 100th post in this blog...

Still learning...

2008-02-27T08:11:00.003+05:30

Learning to be patient with the 'now'
Learning to be patient with me

Not running ahead
Not lagging behind
But staying still

Not restless
Not impatient
But quietly waiting

Not moving
Not struggling
But gently trusting

Not looking around
Not searching inside
But beholding Him
Who was and is and is to come...

(De)vlaued

2008-02-19T13:36:00.002+05:30

Why do we have to put a value on everything in life?

And why should that value be money?

It is actually devaluing...

p.s. - Thanks to Nancy for the conversation that led to this...

There's nothing easy about life…

2008-02-18T21:18:00.000+05:30

It's easier

to complain than to appreciate

to find fault than to find the goodness

to hate than to love

to be bitter than to be forgiving

to be sad than to be joyous

to be ungrateful than to be thankful

But,

it is better to clean the closet every now and then than to let the dirty laundry pile up and make your life miserable.

These small negative minions come back to bite you in your back… and they bite hard…

Bungi's quote #1

2008-02-13T18:36:00.000+05:30

The world is fat in some places and thin is some...

Surrendered Dreams

2008-02-12T09:23:00.000+05:30

Dream your dream. After you are done dreaming, inhale a lungful of reality. It hits you hard, doesn't it?

The very nature of dreams is, it is above and beyond that which is. It is inspirational. It edges on the impossible. If it does not then it is merely planning for the future. It is not a dream really.

That is the sad thing about dreams too. It is something that is inviting. Something that you desire, something that would allow you to be you. Something that is just beyond the grasp. Something that could be… if not for reality.

Indumathi's Surrendered Dreams (தரையில் இறங்கும் விமானங்கள்) tells the story of dreams and reality. While the aspirations are high and visions propel a person, duty and obligation has the capacity to cause the dreams to come tumbling down.

Person after person sacrifice their dreams for the sake of the other in the family. This cycle of sacrifice doesn't seem to stop. Those who haven't yet sacrificed do not understand those who have and in fact, are disappointed that one so great has also succumbed to the ordinary. When the idealist becomes a realist, it seems to the world that he has stooped too low.

But is that so?

Those who sacrificed have entered a different league altogether. Although they feel the pain of surrendered dreams, they have become nobler people simply because they have put the others before themselves and even before their own dreams. They have become nobler also because they are now aware of their nobility…

The book meme

2008-02-10T23:38:00.000+05:30

I was tagged by Sandy at Writing in Faith: Thoughts for the book meme.

Here are the rules:
*Pick up the nearest book of 123 pages or more.
*Find Page 123.
*Find the first 5 sentences.
*Post the next 3 sentences.
*Tag 5 people.

The book: Practicing the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence

The sentences:
He told me several times that all he had heard others say and all that he found in books - indeed, all that he himself had written, seemed pointless in comparison with what faith revealed to him about the greatness of God and of Jesus Christ.
"He alone," he used to say, "is capable of making Himself known to us as He is. We search in reasoning and in the sciences, as in a poor copy, what we neglect to see in an excellent Original."

I tag all those who want to play this.

The dignity of giving

2008-02-06T20:33:00.001+05:30

Giving is deglorified when the motive behind the giving is to glorify the self. Oftentimes, giving is goaded by selfishness. I give because it makes me feel good. I give because I want to stop feeling guilty. I give because I am generous - or so I think.

One does not become a true giver all at once. It is a process that is worked out in us provided we accept the challenge, be willing to stretch ourselves a bit more, to go the extra mile…

Truly selfless giving pinches. Makes you lose yourself in the process. You decrease and you let the other increase. It is something that we grow into.

It demands that you step down from the pedestal. (Who put you up there, anyways?) Demands that you not have just knowledge about the other's need and situation but to know it as your own. Demands that you stop looking at the other person and their situation, but look along with the person at the situation, at the world around. It demands that you journey with the other - walk in their shoes. Demands that you not only give, but receive - in all humility for you are poor too. It demands that you know your own inner poverty.

And when you give selflessly you do not take away the dignity of the receiver…

p.s. - The first part to this post can be found here.

The unique and the ordinary

2008-02-04T23:06:00.000+05:30

It somehow seems easier to accept the ordinary, everyday people. And harder to accept those who set themselves apart. Apart in the way of dressing, in their attitude, in whatever else… Everything about them screams "I am unique and different. Notice me. Accept me."

Whereas the ordinary do not strive to establish that they are unique and different. Their flaws and quirks make them unique. That sets them apart from the rest. That makes them acceptable.

When you make yourself flawless it makes it difficult for me to accept you. For I am flawed. A flawed person accepts me as I am. A flawless one expects me to be flawless.

You see, the unique and the ordinary are not mutually exclusive...

The indignity of giving

2008-01-23T17:46:00.000+05:30

Christmas season is almost a month behind now. there were certain things which I couldn't but notice during that time. Christmas season being the season of love, joy, sharing, caring and giving and all that… (Personally, I think every day should be a season of all that. At least we take out time to be 'nice' and to celebrate 'niceness' once a year.) What I observed during the season of 'giving' and before that in my work really made me think about of giving…

Why do we give? What motivates our giving? When a beggar comes knocking on your car window why do you feel uneasy? Do you give or don't you? If you do, why? And if you don't, why? When you drive past a slum, you just want to drive past it quickly. When you do slow down and stop to see, the sight makes you uncomfortable… Forces you to do something about it. To do something about it quickly. A loose change, a quick handout. Your heart is at peace. Or is it?

More often than not, the giving is done more for the sake of easing our conscience. To make us feel good about ourselves.

There are some who give in order to feel good about themselves. AND there are those who give to let others know how good they are. Sometimes, giving becomes a marketing strategy. Marketing strategy for fund-raising. More money is spent on organizing the gift-giving event than on the gifts itself.

One-size-fits-all giving is another way to give. There is no thought put into giving. There is no understanding of what the receiver needs. This is sort of easy to do. Just go to some place, buy stuff in bulk (you save on the cost of giving this way!), and give. Better still, handout money. That is easier. There is no need to worry about what the money is being used for.

And then there is the expert-giver. "I know what you need. I have done my research I have observed your condition. I'm here to better your standard of living (to that of mine). So I will give you something that I would use, even if it is irrelevant in your situation."

Honestly, what motivates you to give?

Note: 'I', 'you' and 'we' are used interchangeably here. I am talking to myself as much as to the readers. This is a post just to provoke thought.

And oh, there is a part 2 to this...

My very first blog award!

2008-01-20T17:35:00.000+05:30

Sandy, a great encourager and a good blog-friend awarded me the Shameless Lions Writer Circle Award. Sandy has these wonderful blogs and her posts are pretty thought-provoking and challenges the 'regular.'

The way the award goes is like this. “Distribute this award to those people who have blogs we love and can’t live without, blogs where the writing is good and powerful. I thought interested members could kick things off by publishing the award on their own blog, naming five people they would like to give it to, and accompany the image with three things they believe are necessary to make writing good and powerful. The recipients then do the same, passing it on to five other people, and so on.”

The five people that I want to give the award to are:

'Lost in wonder' - One of the early blogs that I got addicted to. Although Anju makes things sound funny she delivers a lot of intense content like only she can do.

Jean at 'It's all good' writes these honest posts which makes you sit up and listen and think.

Liz Strauss at 'Letting me be…' has this way of using words which do not fail to amaze me and she has these very interesting thoughts and interesting ways of communicating those beautiful thoughts.

Madison Richards at 'Write on the edge' has such fresh outlook at faith and following. I like the way she finds the sacred in the ordinary.

Julie Layne - I quite can't put my finger on why I am addicted to her blog. It was by chance I came across her blog and now I am hooked. She's funny. She's real. And she has this way of engaging you in her story - even in the real ones.

These are the three things that I believe makes for powerful and good writing:

1. Truth - Nothing appeals like truth. And nothing repels like truth. There are new facets to truth that different writers bring. And it is amazing how we think the same thoughts and how different they are.

2. Being precise - I think powerful writing needs to deliver the truth without having to use too many unnecessary words. No, I don't mean using less words or being blunt. It is good to read something beautifully written, but using words just because one wants to use a lot of words doesn't make sense.

3. Humour - This is something that I have not been able to incorporate much into my writing. But those who have the ability to deliver truth with humour are awesome.

பொங்கல் வாழ்த்துக்கள்!

2008-01-11T16:42:00.000+05:30

தமிழ் அன்பர்களுக்கு என் மனம் கனிந்த பொங்கல் நல் வாழ்த்துக்கள்!!

Happy Pongal, everybody!

Pongal being the harvest festival, it is a good time to think back on the past and be greatful for who we are and what we have.

I thank God
- for my family who love me no matter what
- for my friend who knows me through and through and still dares to love me
- for my friends who support me, encourage me, listen to me (even when they have no idea what i am talking about), understand me (even the vague, abstract stuff i love to discuss), and most of all correct me
- for my blog which has been a wonderful tool as it has encouraged me and given me a platform to compose and express my thoughts. And it has introduced me to some wonderful people.
- for my work which not only gives me a sense of purpose, but also helps me fulfill who i am and continues to stretch me and grow me
- for the gift of hope. The best is yet to come, they say...
- for God Himself, who gave of Himself willingly and generously and loves me no end...

p.s. - This post comes early as i am going to my hometown to celebrate Pongal with my family. See you all after Pongal.

First meme of this year

2008-01-07T20:11:00.000+05:30

Sandy tagged me with this. It is a pretty interesting meme. Makes thinking back on the past a bit easier.

1. What did I learn?

I learned that perfection or being whole is a moment by moment thing. You aren't really there if you think you have reached there. One step at a time.

Also, you can eat an elephant one bite at time.

2. What did I accomplish?

Workwise, I have accomplished a lot. I have become more confident. Brought closure to certain things which helped open up certain other things and be more effective in the new stuff. Personally, I have grown my hair real long, I have learnt to cook at least some basic stuff…

3. What would I have done differently?

Treated some people with true respect instead of look down on them like I did.

4. What did I complete or release?

Brought to closure some issues. Also, accepted the fact that there are certain things that I cannot change and I need to accept the person/situation as it was and learn to live with it. It was sort of releasing for me and for the person/situation.

5. What were the most significant events of the year past?

Met my best friend again almost after three years.

6.What did I do right?

Swallowed my pride and behaved less arrogant and in that I earned a friend.

7. What were the fun things I did?

Movies and dinners at Anju's, outings with friends. All these involved a lot of laughter. Blogging. Bloghopping. Working. Hanging out with my brother. And with his bunch of friends too. Took a trip to Delhi and from there to Kiki's wedding.

8. What were my biggest challenges/roadblocks/difficulties?

Insecurities - mine and that of people around me.

9. How am I different this year than last?

I'm more confident about who I am. Not entirely yet, but I have come to face the facts - there are certain things that I am not good at, but then there are other things I am good at. I am learning to be comfortable with both.

10. For what am I particularly grateful?

Friends, roof over my head, God's provision and His faithfulness even when I am not particularly faithful, Romans 8:32, my folks and my past.

I tag JollyRoger, Sandhya, Anju, Gitu, Kiki, Kriti, Kirthi, and anybody else who wants to play along.

Here's to another year of tough stuff and joy...

2008-01-05T11:34:00.000+05:30

I know, I know. I have been very bad at updating my blog and it has gotten worse since I updated it last. I have a good reason. I had travelled out the city and was so busy with my friend's wedding and stuff. Anyways, here is the first post for this year.

I was trying not to do any 'New Year' sort of post or do any of the 'New Year' sort of thing like resolutions and thinking back on the past and all that. I like to think I am a person who lives in the present. While I have made a couple of resolution (which just happened to coincide with New Year), I did take some time off to think through the last year. Just a rewind and fast forward.

When I thought back on the year before and the years before that, what I remembered were the tough times, crises, foolishness, goof-ups, failures and the like alongside the good and nice things. In fact the not-so-nice things had a stronger presence in my memory. And I think I want to thank God for the not-so-nice things about life as well.

Those events are significant as they taught me lessons which I wouldn't easily forget; they were the momentous turning points which took me to the next level of maturity; they chased me into the arms of my Father; they have led me to greater intimacy with Him; made me a better person. Well, I could go on.

Anyways, I think I should mention the good things too that make me smile when I think about those. For the nice apartment, the good job, good friends, fun, laughter, discussions and debates, movies, coffee, coffee with friends, Gina's visit, Rob's visits, living with my brother, my blog friends (wink wink), Kiki's wedding, and (stopping to catch my breath) the list can go on and on…

Anyways, here's wishing you a wonderful year ahead!

p.s - And oh, i loved this New Year resolution post. I would say that my resolution is something similar.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

2007-12-25T01:53:00.000+05:30

Christmas is but a reminder of the extent God is willing to go so that He can restore us unto Himself!!

"If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us?" (Romans 8: 32, The Message)

Have a blessed Christmas, everybody!!!

Confession #1

2007-12-21T22:41:00.000+05:30

Well, I am about to confess…

You know, one of those women drivers? The ones who usually block traffic at the most obscure spots on the roads? The ones who wouldn't be able to take a proper u-turn and get stuck half way through?

I have been stuck behind them a number of times. [I am pretty good with my biking (riding my scooter, that is) skills. I am good enough to teach a lesson or two to the guys who treat me like one of those women riders.] And I have nothing but absolute disdain for those women drivers.

Well, that is not my confession really.

When I sit behind the wheel of a car, I turn into one of those women drivers… *GAK*

A sparrow in the mirror

2007-12-20T20:36:00.001+05:30

Apologies to all my blogger friends who kept checking and found nothing new for a long time. I wonder how you either have the idea or the time and not both together. Anyways, this is a long overdue one. Although I am not feeling as philosophical as I did when this thought occurred to me I will put it here.

There used to be this sparrow that visited my granddad's house. There was a mirror above the front door and this sparrow used to perch itself in front of the mirror and peck. Peck at its image... at its reflection. Peck and peck and peck. We children (my cousins and I) used to watch it in awe. And with some sort of expectation. We used to have theories about how the sparrow will go on pecking till it broke its beak. (I don't remember seeing a sparrow break its beak. Probably it got tired and flew away.)

I sometimes wonder if we are like that sparrow. We look at ourselves, we try to understand us and to reach out to the person in the mirror. So close, yet so far. What separates us is but a thin layer of glass, but oh, how we think. Day after day, we seek, we search and we try to understand.

I imagine that the sparrow was happier when it flew away. Just flitting about, collecting food and twigs, building a nest, loving its mate and taking care of its baby. It must have been happier when it was just being what it was.

It is not difficult for us to know, to understand and even to behold, but so very difficult just to be…

Life is like...

2007-12-04T11:37:00.000+05:30

…a game of Scrabble. You are stuck with seven tiles. You either complain about what you don't have and longingly ache for that one tile which would make all the difference or plan your move based on what you got.

At the moment, I am longing to swap a couple of tiles and pass my turn. *sigh*

7 Things About Me

2007-12-01T20:18:00.000+05:30

Sandy at Writing in Faith rescued me by tagging me for the 7 Things About Me meme. This shouldn't be difficult at all.

Here are the rules:

*Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.

*Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.

*Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.

*Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1. I don't care much for ice-cream. Whereas chocolate is a whole different story.

2. Only recently did I start reading Tamil fiction. Prior to this, most of my Tamil reading was done in school - only as part of my lessons. I started to read Tamil again because I was losing reading speed and my vocabulary was shrinking.

3. I don't mostly step out on Saturdays. It is my day in. I usually get out only in the evenings.

4. I've been in India all my life and I still haven't seen the Taj Mahal. However, that is not unusual. And I am not longing to see it either. I am more eager to see the Himalayas.

5. I'm more a mountain person than beach/sea person.

6. I do NOT like shopping. The only kinda shopping that I enjoy is book shopping.

7. I love riding the Chennai suburban trains. From what I hear of it, I don't think I would enjoy the Mumbai suburb though.

I am sticking to 7 points this time and not doing my usual 11.

The 7 people I tag are:

Krithi at Grass Grows

Zip at Hmmm

Ruki at Year 26 is here!

A post

2007-11-22T14:12:00.000+05:30

I sit at my computer, not quite sure what I want to write about. There are a lot of thoughts that have gone through my head, but none have stayed and transformed itself into a blog post. Nonetheless, let me try.

Even memes aren't around to rescue me now. So what do I write about? Seems like I have written about everything that I am concerned about. And all or most of my thinking energy has been diverted to work thinking. Oh, work is going great by the way. New ideas, new plans, more exciting stuff. I am waiting to see them transform into something that will bear fruit.

Actually, I have taken a break from thinking. You know, one of those seasons where you just take a break because thinking a lot ends up in confusion and sometimes even in pain? Yeah. So I am taking a break from thinking anything too serious. I am keeping my reading to just fiction and lighter reading than the stuff that makes my brain whirr at 10000 rpm. It is almost like I didn't let very many thoughts stay in my head long enough that it took root and became an idea (which would have then been transformed into a blog post). And thus, I have been diverting my thinking energy and causing it to stay mostly on work related ideas.

Hopefully, I will get to thinking other things sometime. I am trying to read The World is Flat. I wouldn't say that it is the best read that I have had in my life. I find it a little too dry and little too one-sided. I am pushing myself to read that though. I have decided to reward myself with The Argumentative Indian if I finish reading the World is Flat.

Besides that I am reading a Tamil fiction (Yavana Rani by Sandilyan). The story is split in two volumes. I will hopefully finish it by the end of this week or so. I may be quoting something from that book too. It is interesting, the gems of thoughts that you find these books.

Shout it out

2007-11-16T16:45:00.000+05:30

Cleaner kumar server aanaru

Modha moonu table in-chargu

Appavum solvaaru ammavum solvaanga

Naan romba nalla pullainnu

Palli koodam pogannumnu attha ittha vaanganumnu

Thondharavu seiya mattaennu

Nethiku cleaneru inaakku serveru

Pannendu vayasula chinoondu sayizula

[Translation:

Cleaner Kumar has become a server (waiter)

He is in-charge of the first three tables

Both my father and mother

Say that I am very good child

I don't bother them asking to be put in school or to buy me this and that

Cleaner yesterday, server (waiter) today

At 12 years of age, when he is small in size]

Taken from the song Cleaner Kumar (album: Shout it out)

I had the opportunity to attend an event on 14th Nov. An event celebrating the children of our country. A reminder that all is not well for the next generation. A voice demanding that the world pay attention to what they have to say. A ray of hope that all is not lost yet.

Organized by NalandaWay, the event was the celebration of the release of 'Shout it Out,' a music album researched, conceptualized and rendered by children. The event told stories of children. Stories of abuse, child labour, courage, dreams and hopes. It was one of the evening where you go out and participate in a celebration or where you enjoy some artsy performances. However, it was more than that. Stories were told through mimes, dances, songs and short films.

Being involved in development work one tends to be aware of these issues. It wasn't like I did not know that child sexual abuse did happen, or that domestic violence existed, or that child labour was prevalent. However, it hit me hard to hear it from children. It was reminder. It was a spark. I cannot exactly call it a wake up call, but it was something like the snooze going off again. I don't know what shape or form this is going to take. But I do hope that it remains with me, egging me on to persist in my quest for that elusive thing I am seeking to know and possess.

You can download the songs from here. There are many short films you can watch in their East Side Story project website. You can also support by becoming a part of their mentoring program for children who are from underprivileged communities.

Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANJU!!

House meme

2007-11-07T23:51:00.000+05:30

I'm one of the Indians who got tagged in Choconet's blog.
1. What kind of SOAP is in your bathtub right now? No bathtub. My bathroom cannot hold one.
2. Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator? No. :-(
3. What would you change about your living room? More sunlight. More comfy furniture. Ummm… Some flowers may be…
4. Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty? No dish washer. But not dirty dishes piled up in the sink. :-)
5. What is in your fridge? Eggs, milk, ice cubes, some oranges, some apples, veggies, dal, ummm…
6. White or wheat bread? Wheat.
7. What is on top of your refrigerator? Lotsa junk. Bills, receipts, planner, tissue box…
8. What colour or design is on your shower curtain? No shower curtain.
9. How many plants are in your home? Ummm. Zero.
10. Is your bed made right now? Just made it so that I can answer this with a ‘yes’!
11. Comet or Soft Scrub? uh?
12. Is your closet organized? Hmmm… Sorta sorted.
13. Can you describe your flashlight? Darn. I am yet to buy one…
14. Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home? Plastic and stainless steel.
15. Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now? Nope. Don’t like tea in any form.
16. If you have a garage, is it cluttered? No garage. Darn. I feel so poor now. No tub. No this. No that… Sheesh.
17. Curtains or blinds? Curtains.
18. How many pillows do you sleep with? Zero to one.
19. Do you sleep with any lights on at night? Nope.
20. How often do you vacuum? No vacuuming here. It’s mostly sweeping. That’s done five days a week.
21. Standard toothbrush or electric? Standard.
22. What colour is your toothbrush? Blue.
23. Do you have a welcome mat on your front porch? No front porch… *rolling my eyes*
24. What is in your oven right now? No oven. *still rolling my eyes*
25. Is there anything under your bed? Some sheet of paper from my study table that flew under my bed.
26. Chore you hate doing the most? Dusting. It is never ending!
27. What retro items are in your home? A folding chair made of rosewood.
28. Do you have a separate room that you use as an office? Nope
29. How many mirrors are in your home? Two.
30. Do you have any hidden emergency money around your home? Not hidden really. And not much really…
31. What color are your walls? Whitish.
32. Do you keep any kind of protection weapons in your home? Does kitchen knife count?
33. What does your home smell like right now? No smell…
34. Favorite candle scent? Nah.
35. What kind of pickles (if any) are in your refrigerator right now? Not in my refrigerator, but I have garlic pickle and tomato pickle (the Indian ones).
36. What color is your favorite Bible? At the moment, the one I am using is maroon.
37. Ever been on your roof? Does the terrace count?
38. Do you own a stereo? Ummm. It doesn’t work though.
39. How many TVs do you have? None. And bro is threatening to buy one. *gak*
40. How many house phones? 1
41. Do you have a housekeeper? Hmmm… Nope. But I do have a helper who comes in the mornings.
42. What style do you decorate in? No particular style really.
43. Do you like solid colours in furniture or prints? Solid colours.
44. Is there a smoke detector in your home? Nope.
45. In case of fire, what are the items in your house which you’d grab if you only could make one quick trip? Passport and certificates. And some important papers. Oh, my computer too… Oh no. There are so many books that I love… Guess they’d have to perish if there is no time…

2007-11-06T10:06:00.000+05:30

How cool is this?!

You can also read more about them here.

Wisdom and the lack of it...

2007-11-02T22:42:00.000+05:30

If there is one thing that really stood out for me when I read the book ஆகாச வீடுகள் (A Home in the Sky) it was the insight into wisdom or the lack of it…

When someone does something hurtful or selfish or any of that, lack of wisdom is the reason. This person could be you or I. I have been trying to put this into practice in my life, especially on the roads. When someone one cuts across, they are lacking in wisdom. When I say to myself, "Hmph, that person is unwise," I leave the path of wisdom.

I was thinking about wisdom and trying to make it more understandable to me. I have read and know that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. And the fruit of wisdom, I suppose, is revealed in the way I treat another. Which is why when I cut across or when I cause hurt or when I am selfish or when I ridicule another I am acting out my lack of wisdom. And when I love and bless another in my thoughts and actions, it flows out of wisdom.

A home in the sky - Excerpts from the book.

2007-10-24T10:45:00.000+05:30

ஆகாச வீடுகள் (A Home in the Sky is the Title of the English translation) by Vaasanthi was one of the books I was reading in the past week. It is a story that is set in a village amidst a community of people. It is almost like a microcosm. The author has explored the problems, human action and counter action that crop up in this microcosm, albeit from a feminist point of view.

At the two ends of the spectrum are Lalitha and Meenu who approach the same problems differently. Lalitha, Meenu's aunt, is a very patient, loving, forgiving person who smiles even at those who hurt her. Even when she weeps she weeps not for herself but for the other person.

Meenu is the reactive person among the two. She believes that something must be done when injustice happens. At 17 years of age she has a highly developed sense of justice and injustice. And she is not one to quietly watch when injustice occurs. She stands up and speaks against it.

Another fact that came to me through the story is, despite the failings and ill-feelings and gossip among the people in the community, when tragedy occurs they come together as one large family and support one another. Selfishness may seem very rampant. But in times of crisis, they think beyond self and look at the other. It is almost like these times of tragedy are moments when their heart soars in to a higher realm of existence.

This being said, I will explore or simply quote snippets from the book. And I will do my best to translate those for non-Tamil reading folks.

இந்த மனசு ஏன் உயரப் பறக்கமாட்டேன் என்கிறது?

ஓ, பெரிய சுவரல்லவா குறுக்கே நிற்கிறது?

நான்.

இதுதான் கண்ணை மறைக்கிறது, வெட்கத்தையும் மானத்தையும் மறைக்கும் சுவர். அன்பை மறைக்கும் சுவர்.

Why isn't the heart able to fly high?

O, isn't there this big wall that is blocking it?

I.

This is what is blinding the eyes. This is the wall that screens self-respect and dignity. The wall that blocks love.

"இத்தனை சின்ன வயசுக்கு நீ ரொம்ப யோசனை பண்றே, மீனு! ரொம்ப யோசனை பண்ற மனசு ரொம்ப துக்கமும் அனுபவிக்கும்."

"You think a lot for your age, Meenu! A mind that thinks a lot will experience a lot of pain."

I could relate to that!

"எங்கப்பா அடிக்கடி சொல்வார் மீனு, இந்த உலகத்திலே எதைக் கண்டும் நாம வருத்தப்பட வேண்டியதில்லே, மனுஷனுடைய அஞ்ஞானத்தைக் கண்டுதான் வருத்தப்படணும்பார்!"

"My dad used to say often, Meenu. We shouldn't be sad looking at anything in this world. Only man's lack of wisdom should sadden us."

There were many other things that appealed to me in the book. However, I don't want to get in to all the snippets in this post. Besides, it will take me a long time to search for those in the book.

Click here to read the blurb of the English Translation and possibly purchase it.

Bono on Bono #4

2007-10-15T13:15:00.000+05:30

"Michka Assayas: Don't you believe in united Ireland?

"Bono: Only by consensus. The border was drawn by threat of war, but we have to accept that it won't be removed by force. Real division, as the great John Hume says, it is in the people's hearts and minds."

Need I say more?

Let me just repeat. The real division is in people's hearts and minds - yours and mine.

Thoughts and sights from the weekend

2007-10-08T21:04:00.000+05:30

Thoughts:

The whole Sethu Samuthiram project sparked off a discussion on development and the impact it has on the environment. (Yes. There is also the environment side to the Sethu Samuthiram argument. Not just faith.) The argument went like this:

If we need development, it will impact the environment. For that matter any action will have an environmental implication. But my question was is this the only way or model for development? The development as we see it today is merely aping that which is happening in the 'developed' countries. Who wrote that down as the protocol for development? Is consumer driven economy the only way to prosperity? Isn't that something that is driven by greed and want and not really by need?

Well, I have no answers. Only questions. And these questions and statements are not made after having learnt development and economics. These are questions that came out the mind of a by-stander.

There may be many methods, strategies, modus operandi, yada yada yada. But all this mean nothing if the thing is not done. This thought specifically occurred to me about my bakthi. If all I am thinking about is how I study the Holy Scriptures, dream of how I relate to my Guru and keep talking about it, and even write about it in my blog but do not have the bakthi, my bakthi is nothing.

There is an inherent fear of the wild in man's heart. A few conquer it. Nonetheless, it is there. One either wants to subdue it or run away from it or shut it out. But it is in the wild man is really at home.

It is weird how we destroy all the wild around us to make 'civilization' and run to the wild during weekends to escape from civilization. In doing this we invade another person's habitat and slowly begin to take over that as well. one would not have needed to do that if they had retained at least part of the wild where they were. (Ah well, this is hypocrisy. It is coming from the mouth of a migrant.)

What am I leaving behind for the future generation?

Sights:

Musings on Bono on Bono - Part 3

2007-10-03T11:47:00.000+05:30

"How did this person who set fire to my imagination end up with no new ideas, and actually, even incapable of their old ones? Here's my theory: When people are absorbed in the culture, and they're going out, they're listening to music, they're in the clubs, music is part of their every waking moment, and as a result part of their sleeping times, in their dreams. The life is empty of other lovers. Unless you are in love with the music, or you stop struggling with it in your unconscious when you're asleep, you've other dreams. You're dreaming about moving houses, about whatever other ventures you're involved in. but that's where you did all your great work: You did when you were… …unconscious." - Bono (Quoted from the book 'Bono on Bono - Conversations with Michka Assayas)

I think there is something here. Not just a musician's love for music. But a worker's passion for their work. When other passions start crowding in and clamouring for attention, the worker gets distracted from her primary passion.

While other interests crowding in demanding one's attention is one reason for passion being snuffed out, I believe there are other reasons too.

There are times when a new passion replaces the old passion. It could simply mean that it is time for a change. It could be time for growing up. For maturing. For exploring.

There are also times when one's passion has consumed and possessed and drove a person for too long, one just wants to be rid of it. At least for sometime… And who can say whether the passion will take possession of the person again… Only time…

p.s. - Sometimes one is plain bored out of their wits...

It's here!!!

2007-09-25T13:47:00.000+05:30

Here is my new phone! Finally!!

I'm very sorry about being irregular with my posts. It's just that i've been out of brain juice... There is something brewing though... Hopefully in a couple of days...

Tagged

2007-09-17T16:22:00.000+05:30

Chriz tagged me intentionally and Jollyroger sort of sneak tagged me. So here goes.

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it.
I have this scar on my left heel. It sort of runs from one side to the other. I put my leg in between cycle spokes. And the rest is an indelible identification mark.

2.What does your phone look like?
(Disclaimer: Not for the weak hearted.)

Errr… Do you really want to know?

Don't tell me I didn't warn you…

This is a four-year old antique piece. Priceless. I have also added pictures of all the major scars that my mobile incurred during its four year existence.

However, within a week or so my phone could look like this.

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?
A hair-line crack.

4. What is your current desktop picture?
A picture of my best buddy and i.

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?
No

6. What do you want more than anything right now?
Sleep! No, wait… I want to travel. I'm itching to travel.

7 . What time were you born?
6.24 am

8. Are your parents still together?
Nope. Dad died long ago.

9. Last person who made you cry?
Myself

10. What is your favorite perfume / cologne?
Tommy Girl and Tommy Girl 10.

11. What kind of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex?
Never really thought about it really.

12. What are you listening to?
Some generator running somewhere, masons working in the next building, our front office person on the phone…

13. Do you get scared of the dark?
Nope.

14. Do you like pain killers?
Don't believe in them except when in extreme pain. Refer answer to Q. 1

15. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Ummm… I believe that the guy should do the asking…

16. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
Chocolate mousse cake. The one that Anju talks about...

17. Who was the last person you made you mad?
Must be those crazy guys on the road. Don't know which one, but definitely someone who wouldn't give me way…

18. Who was the last person who made you smile?
My friend... The one whose picture is my desktop wallpaper...

Reality check

2007-09-13T00:34:00.000+05:30

On the way to work
The usual route
Unusual traffic pile up
Bumper to bumper traffic
Four-road junction
A car stopped in the middle of the road
A fallen bike
Crowd of people
Pool of blood clotting on the road

Not a question of whose fault it was
But a matter of a life potentially lost...

Please wear a helmet...

(This is a reminder to me as well)

Smiles

2007-09-05T21:18:00.000+05:30

Some of the things that made me smile/laugh/happy in the last 24 hours... (If it's an image, click to enlarge.)

I went grocery shopping. Took my bike (bicycle). Was caught in a downpour on the way back. It was nice riding in the rain. *smile*

A friend drew this graffiti for me. *laugh*

I got this in the mail today. I have printed it and put up on desk. *ROFLOL*

Another work mail that i received... *LOLOL*

8 + 4 random stuff...

2007-09-04T16:50:00.000+05:30

Jollyroger tagged me ages ago. And since I haven't written in a long time I thought I will do this meme. However, I don't think I will be tagging anyone. Well, let's just say consider yourself tagged when you do comment to this post, but then again not if you don't want to be tagged. So, here goes my 8 (+ 3… + 1)

I am supposed to write 8 random facts about myself. And I have chosen to write about things I have been currently (pre)occupied with… In other words, the reasons why I haven't been regular with my blog.

1. Work - Yes. I know it sounds lame, but the slow days seem to be kind of over. It happens in seasons for me. So, may be more during the next slow season.

2. I have started getting my life back in order. With a few 'goodbyes' and fewer 'welcome backs' all one after the other, my life had gone haywire. Now I am slowly building back my schedules. And I will learn to fit in blogging into that as well. Until then please be gracious.

3. Brain drain - Did mention that I am working hard? A lot of my work over the last month involved racking my brain real hard. And that had drained all my brain juices. Hence, I wasn't able to think up any new stuff. I still am not able to think about any new stuff. I don't even want to try. I am THAT tired.

4. Swimming has been going on regularly. I wanted to be disciplined about that. This was part of putting the schedule back in order. Also, I have been trying to go to bed earlier than usual. All this has affected my blogging.

5. I have been hooked to Scrabbles on Facebook. Oops. I have let the cat out of the bag…

6. I have started reading the newpaper! I know, I know… Once upon a time, I was going to write a whole post on why I don't read the newspaper.

7. I am trying to get a lot more reading done. And I have been pretty good with that. I am currently in the middle of three books. One fiction. One non fiction. One faith-related.

8. Talking about faith, I am also trying to be disciplined about my time spent alone with God.

9. The city traffic! It has been getting worse. And I kid not. It is not an illusion… Added to this is the increased amount of travel within the city (work-related travel that is).

This has added to my stress levels and preoccupation levels.

10. I have been watching a lot of movies lately. At least, a lot more than usual.

11. Been spending more time with people face-to-face than during the last two months.

12. Guess I am tired of thinking and troubling my poor little head. So, I just took a break from thinking. Now that I have started reading the newspaper, guess I will begin to stir up the gray matter more and more. So hopefully…

Ten Commandments of riding/driving in Chennai

2007-08-29T16:12:00.000+05:30

1. You shall have no other goal other than travelling from point a to point b. Well, riding for pleasure is ok. But your goal shall not be, I repeat, shall not be racing to win some unsuspecting person who doesn't even know that a race is on!
2. You shall start early so as to avoid cussing, rash-driving, killing others to make it on time.
3. You shall love a fellow traveller as yourself. Well, just imagine this. You cut across or be nasty to this person and you realise that this person is none other than your good friend or relative or boss…
4. You shall not envy another person's bike or car or lorry or bus… Whichever is applicable.
5. You shall not act like you are the king of the road just because you blew up a lot of money in buying your fancy-pansy bike/car.
6. Show mercy and you will be shown mercy. Well, actually you may not be shown any mercy even if you show mercy. But be merciful to the ones with lesser vehicles and pedestrians.
7. Patience is a virtue. Trust me, it won't kill you.
8. You shall not honk unnecessarily. Remember, honkers are not movers. It shows that you cannot drive. It is like you are announcing "EVERYBODY! OUTTA MY WAY! DON"T KNOW HOW TO STOP THIS THING!"
9. If you are a bike guy, don't fix a car horn. And the other kind of horn that needs to be avoided are those annoying many pitch ones… And those with those nerve-racking tunes… Or that irritating… Oh never mind…
10. If you can't go but you can let a smaller guy go, let him go. Don't be a dog in the manger.

And because I don't like to stop with 10…
11. Be nice. Smile when people let you pass or let you cross. Try and say or signal thank you when you can.

Battlefield

2007-08-19T19:26:00.000+05:30

"Evil encroaches in tiny footsteps on every great idea. And evil can outrun most great ideas, but finally, in the end, there is light in the world."

"The jungle is never far from the surface of our skin. No, I'm never surprised by evil, but I'm much more excited about what people are capable of."

"Well, as you get older, your idea of good guys and bad guys changes. As we moved from the eighties to the nineties, I stopped throwing rocks at the obvious symbols of power and the abuse of it. I started throwing rocks at my own hypocrisy."

Taken from 'Bono on Bono'

The picture that we often have of the poor is 'victims'. They are victims, no doubt. They are victims of the injustice in the society, the systems that have been worked out to keep them in their place, and of the rich and powerful using these systems to oppress them.

The nagging question in my head was what if the tables were turned? If the poor were made rich and powerful? My guess is that the same struggle will continue - between the powerful and the oppressed. Only the players will be different. What I am trying to say here is that the rich aren't all evil and the poor aren't all good. This is not a comic book where the evil persons are at war with the good persons.

When this one person with the good and the evil residing in him/her has the power, they have the choice to wield the power however they choose. And it seems like there is more evil than good. The choices are more selfish. In his post on morality, JollyRoger has explored 'collateral damage'. Oftentimes, those doing the damage don't look back to see the trail of disaster they leave behind - simply because of their selfish ways.

We work to put systems in place for either of the two purposes - to keep the evil from invading and imprisoning the 'victims' or to retain the power. Again, there are two sides to this. When the systems are established with great ideals of goodness and justice, they can still be infiltrated by evil. The converse is also true. When systems are put in place to retain power and to continue the oppression, the goodness of human nature does shine through.

In the end, the hero and the villain is the same person and the real battlefield is the heart.

Note: Some of what I read in Bono on Bono prodded me along this line of thought. It gave more form and structure to proceed with this thought-wrestling process. A chat with Jude and today's message at church helped me give structure and form to it. Thanks to Roger too. I was surprised to see that he had wrestled with similar thoughts and his thoughts on this subject further provided fodder for my post.

That heaven of freedom

2007-08-14T21:37:00.000+05:30

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action -
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

- Rabindranath Tagore

This has been one of favorite poems ever since I was a kid.
And this is my prayer as we celebrate 60 years of independence...

The burden of the ideal: The dreamer

2007-08-10T14:28:00.000+05:30

The dreamer dreams of the perfect world. She wonders at why it cannot be. She works towards the ideal. She strives. She struggle.
Alas, she is but one. What can she do?

The dreamer laments the imperfection without. Would running away from the imperfect world help? No. The imperfection is truly from within.
Alas, even she is one. What has she done?

The burden of the ideal: The quest

2007-08-10T14:10:00.000+05:30

Dreams come easy to dreamers. To wonder at what could be, to see the potential in things and people, to hope for the best, to look for the silver lining, and to see the light at the end of the tunnel… All this only till the dream has a head-on collision with reality. Nothing can confuse the dreamer like reality. Questions and doubts invade the terrain which was once inhabited by dreams of possibilities.

Even in the midst of growing cynicism and increasing doubts and questions, the dreamer carries on the quest for the ideal. This incongruity between the ideal and the real remains a thorn in the flesh of the dreamer refusing to go away. The strife between what could be and why it cannot be disillusions. The bubble bursts.

The bursting bubble doesn't keep the dreamer from dreaming.
The bursting bubble doesn't keep the dreamer from being disillusioned.
Dreams and disillusionments. They co-exist. They feed on one another.

Bits and pieces

2007-08-06T22:53:00.000+05:30

After losing the one decent thought i had over the weekend, all i can share with you are the bits and pieces of the last two days... There is no particular logical order to these. They are as random as random could get.

Goodbyes

Walls high up

Fear

Hope

Lonely

Laughter and tears

Friend

Small mercies

Big mercies

Grace is sufficient

Desperate

Lost

Weakness and strength

Work and passion

Music

Memories

Joy

Sorrow

Tired

Hollow

Questions without answers

Quietness

p.s. - Apologies to Ryan, Nancy and Anna. 'Hello', 'Coffee', 'Lunch' and 'Chocolate' were supposed to make it into the list... But i was so overwhelmed by the 'goodbyes' I forgot to add those.

$#%@#$%

2007-08-05T00:02:00.000+05:30

Darn! I lost an idea... Grrr... @$%@#$%@#$%

Rain Rain

2007-08-01T12:28:00.000+05:30

Things I like about rain season

Getting wet on the way back home

Feeling cozy when I wake up in the morning

Water supply for the next one year!

Awesome weather

Riding my bike on beach road when it pours

The memories this kinda weather brings back

Staring out of the window when it is pouring cats and dogs outside and losing myself in my thoughts

Things I don't like about rain season

Getting wet on the way to work

Getting splashed by some stoopid truck/auto/whatever else

Clothes don't dry quick

The damp feeling in the air

The lethargy that sets in

Reduced road space and bad roads and bad traffic and dangerous wet roads and hidden potholes…

The way many of our clients are affected as they live in low-lying flood-prone areas… Their businesses get affected too.

A fistful...

2007-07-23T20:58:00.001+05:30

The wonderful thing about my job is you get to see the hope. And hope comes in all shapes and sizes. The most recent sighting of hope came in fistfuls.

There are these three bunches of women, three groups of around twenty women, who decided to contribute a fistful of rice every week*. Thus, their giving began. A fistful a week. Fistfuls every month for a few months. In the end, they had 120 kilograms of rice. This rice, they decided to give it to a hostel run for girls with visual impairment. Girls who have been rejected by families. Girls who were considered a burden. Girls who are educated and wanting to contribute to the functioning of society.

It was a wonderful sight to see. A bunch of women gathered together in an asbestos shed put up on the terrace of one small neighbourhood. The givers and the receivers. It was difficult to identify who the givers and who the receivers were. Those who gave received and those who received gave.

This incident continued to resonate the truth that I am learning. One's ability to give does not depend on one's wealth. It all depends on one's willingness. Willingness to look beyond oneself. Willingness to look at others. Willingness to give. It all depends on one's heart size and not on one's wallet size.

Above all, giving empowers the giver. There is dignity in giving. It makes you rise above your situation of needs and wants. It makes you realise that even you can give.

*They called it புடி அரிசி திட்டம் ("Pudi Arisi Thittam" meaning "fistful of rice plan").

Note on pictures: One is a picture of one of the girls reading from a Braille Bible. The other is a picture of a couple of our clients holding fists full of rice.

Eleven things #3

2007-07-23T20:53:00.000+05:30

… I am thankful for.

Not turning on the fan and light as soon as I came home (like I usually do). There was a gas leak from the stove. (Made a mental note to check it before I leave home everyday.)
Good chocolate.
The food on the table everyday... God's provision despite the fact that I am living on an empty wallet at the moment.
Sparks of inspiration which help me in my work.
Friends. I don't know what I would do without them.
They way friends express their love. It may not be verbal as I would like it. But they do express it in their own ways and it doesn't fail to touch me.
My work. It is a real blessing to be able to love what you do.
The mug full of Milo everyday. If not for that, I would go hungry in the morning everyday.
Our new office! It looks great and it is awesome to finally have a decent workspace of my own.
For my house. I will have to vacate it in about two months. Need to start house-hunting again.
For my family.

Just a fistful...

2007-07-19T23:43:00.000+05:30

...can make a difference.

My next post is going to be on a fistful of difference. I thought i will post this prelude lest i forget that i should write about this.

The Illusion of the tangible

2007-07-17T10:01:00.000+05:30

In life and work we constantly seek the tangible and seek to make that which is intangible tangible. There is a constant rush to fill our lives with the material, that which we can see and hold, that which we can touch and own and claim as ours. All the while, the intangible gets relegated to the background.

The intangible seems like the loser. It loses out in debates and arguments. It cannot be quantified and measured and hence it is made to seem like it doesn't exist. Also there is a constant pressure to quantify the intangible. There is a recognition that it exists, but we want proof of its existence. What better way than to make it measurable and touchable and seeable?

At times, the intangible does succumb to the pressure. But when it does, it ceases to be what it was. It is compromised. It is not entire. It is not that elusive and not quite graspable but still wholesome thing it was. It has been captured, albeit incompletely, and put in a box and neatly packaged and presented.

The intangible may suffer rejection or experience mutilation. It may just be an afterthought. But it does its work silently and quietly, nudging and edging. We don't realise it or recognize it always. The unseeable, the nonquantifyable, the immeasurable, the thing of beauty and the thing of our hearts… It does its work quietly… For it is this that really matters. It is this that makes our lives worth living.

Couple of stuff...

2007-07-14T00:45:00.000+05:30

I don’t know what to write on now. I seem to have exhausted all my ideas for now. There are no new ideas. I do not want to think I have writer's block. Well, I don't consider myself a serious writer really. I only ramble a bit and try to get the thought out of my head and communicate it as best as I can.

My brain seems to want some rest from thinking. I have been employing mind to understand and process a lot of things work-wise and personal stuff-wise… Those are things I don't think I want to write about.

Guess I will highlight a couple of things two of my blog friends did for me which was really touching. Thank you, Choconet and Julie.

And I have been thinking of a couple of other things as well.

1. How do you know that you have been surfing the net for too long?

When you are subconsciously searching for the mouse to click on text that looks like hyper-link in the book you are reading…

2. How do you know that you have been doing a lot of riding on your bike?

When you are walking somewhere and you are subconsciously searching for the indicator before making a turn or for the horn when you want to overtake the person walking in front of you…

I have done both…

It seems like it is going to be a fully-packed weekend for me. At least, Saturday doesn't seem to the quiet and peaceful sort that I usually look forward to. *sigh*

Happy weekend, folks!I hope to be back with better stuff next week.

Good night for now...

Lessons from Bono - Part 1

2007-07-11T06:56:00.000+05:30

One of the books I am currently reading is Bono on Bono. I like Bono. I like his music because it is honest and he doesn't mince words. And I also like him cause I he, like me, believes that poverty can be made history and is working towards that. And he challenges convention.

There are some thoughts from the book which really hit home. Well, there are many of those really. I emailed Gina these thoughts and she thought these were blog material and that they should be shared with the wider audience. So, I will be putting up a select few of these thoughts in my blog along with my thoughts about his thoughts. Hopefully, this will be a series of posts.

“There are stories to tell that are not songs.”

This is one of the reasons he gave for working on this book project with the author. I just thought it was a cool quote.

“If you wake up in the morning with a melody in your head, as I do, it’s all about how much you compromise that melody to take it out of your head and put it into music.”

I feel this way about writing. I have sometimes compromised my ideas simply because I could not find the right words to express them. And when I wrote them, I would either end up something very different from what I started out with or I would not have expressed the idea in its entirety. I am glad I found his words to help me capture this compromise.

“It’s a very hierarchical business. What table you get in the restaurant tells how your career is doing. It’s happened to me many times, where you turn up at a restaurant or a club and they haven’t got the booking right and you have to queue or get turned away…

…But I don’t want to stray too far from the street. I’m not saying I’m not good at the penthouse life – but I’m also good at the pavement. That’s a source of pride for me, that I’m good at both. I’m good at high life, I’m good at the low life. It’s the middle where I lose it.”

I wish I could say that of myself… The bit about being good at both lives...

“…If you look to writers and painters and poets, then you’ll often find the search for the ecstatic, the trauma of religious experience.”

“All the Renaissance painters, torn between God, patronage, and the desires of the flesh.”

"Coolness might help in your negotiation with people through the world, maybe, but it is impossible to meet God with sunglasses on. It is impossible to meet God without abandon, without exposing yourself, being raw. That’s the connection with great music and great art, and that is why it’s uncomfortable, that is why cool is the enemy of it, because that’s the other reason you wanted to join a bad: you wanted to do the cool thing. Trying to capture religious experiences on tape wasn’t what you had in mind when you signed up for the job.”

I guess this is not something that only musicians and artists alone face. It is true of me and my work as well. Why do I want to do development work? Is it to please man, to earn a living or to do the Kingdom work? Like the artist I struggle with the three loyalties. The desire to be noticed, the desire to climb the rungs of career ladder, and the desire to serve – all three compete for attention.

Torn

2007-07-09T23:55:00.001+05:30

I'm riding on my scooter. I'm dodging traffic. I'm taking the short-cuts -- the by lanes and the side lanes. Why do I feel like I'm invading somebody else's space? It is a thoroughfare after all. Why does it feel like I am riding through people's homes? Is it because some people have to bring part of their homes to the road as they cannot contain it within the walls of their actual home?

A small two-room house. One kitchen. One bed-room-cum-living-room-cum-miscellaneous-room. One family. Five members to the family. The toilet may be in the house or the family may need to share it with the rest of the community. Water collected from the tank near the house.

I ride throught the small roads and slums to arrive in a nice neighbourhood. I go in and shut the door... To the road... To the world...

One small, cozy little apartment. Four rooms. Two bathrooms with loo attached. Running water. Two people living in it. The bedroom the size of the house described above.

I love the comfort. I like the space. I work with people who live with their family of five in a house as big as my bedroom. The disparity bothers me. I'm feeling torn.

p.s. - I have gotten past the guilt stage (I hope). I am really ok. I simply wanted to highlight the disparity that i see - not just between the worlds out there, but even between my own and the one that I interact with.

p.p.s. - Pictures have been added as suggested by Ryan and Chronicwriter

Chocolate

2007-07-07T12:36:00.000+05:30

What better topic than chocolate to make an awesome comeback!!! Choconet, this one goes to you...

The things I like in chocolate

Just chocolate

Nuts - Almonds and Cashews especially

A little more cocoa (not so much that it is bitter chocolate)

Cake/Pastry

Things I don't mind in chocolate

Peanuts (if it is Snicker bar)

Raisins

Wafer

Biscuit

Liqueur

Nougat

Things that should not be in chocolate

Caramel

Mint (makes it taste like chocolate-toothpaste combo)

Caramel crystals

One of those strawberry/orange pasty stuffing (*gak* That's worse than mint!)

Resurfacing

2007-07-06T07:38:00.000+05:30

Now that my friend has come and gone, and i am poorer but richer, i think it is time to get back to blogging.

Two weeks away from blogging and you have so much to catch up on! I am slowly getting there, people. I have started visiting the blogs that i usually do. All this is moving at tortoise-pace. But i will get there. I promise.

About posting stuff on my blog, erm... the whole of last week i have not been able to think about anything much other than work and my friend. Don't be afraid. New thoughts have started doing the pop-corn act in my head. I will soon be writing again.

Poorer but richer

2007-07-01T12:35:00.000+05:30

Goodbyes are never easy. And I don't think they are meant to be easy. Although I feel as if I lack something, I feel I am rich as I have gained so much more - friendship and memories. Not that there were no friendship or memories before. It is just that the heart sizes have grown larger to contain more love.

Currently feeling: Sad