Monday, July 14, 2008


The last few weeks have been weeks of connecting and reconnecting with people. I, personally, did reconnect with a number of people. And I saw some people reconnect as well. And in some instances, I put off reconnecting and lost the chance to connect forever.

The reasons why connections had broken varied:

The most mundane, and the usual reason. Busyness.

People have gone their own way which tended to be in different direction.

Geographical distance.


Assumptions. Assumptions arising out of past events… Events which were not discussed and sorted out.

Misunderstanding and past hurts.

Drifting apart - unconsciously. Gradually. Without notice.

Similarly, various things that caused reconnection:

Determination and conscious effort - by either one or both parties to connect again. Deliberately making time for one another. Even if it means taking some sort of extra effort to make it fit in both of your schedules.

Picking up that phone and making the call. Now.

Travelling - this kind of overcomes the geographical distance.

Willing to take the risk. Willing to put aside our assumptions and to become vulnerable. Taking that one chance that our assumptions may be wrong.

Forgiving and putting aside differences. Being willing to talk it out.

Looking in your calendar and marking out time for meeting with old friends. And then calling the friends and asking them to block the date in their calendars as well.

Persistence - some people need that. But don't be persistent to the point of being annoying.

And in some cases, losing your mobile phone can also cause you to reconnect. :)

And the reconnections had these effects on me:

"Gosh! I had actually missed this person and didn't realise it for this long."

"It is wonderful to pick up from where we left. It is great that I can be as honest and vulnerable with this person as I was then."

"Wow! We've both grown and matured. And we still click."

"I still love this person…"

"It's so wonderful to laugh like we used to…"

And while saying all this, I must also mention that one of the members of my extended family died. We were planning to visit them just two days before she died, but we put it off for another day that would never come…

So people, pick up that phone and make that call. Spend a couple of minutes and email. Look in your calendar and see who you want to meet up with for coffee today. Get to know the person you've been wanting to get to know…

p.s. - Do feel free to share your reconnection stories. Treat this as a tag if you will.


lemonade said...

Wow..thats a pretty comprehensive list of 'why's'.

Nice post..must go plan something with the school friends now :) Hey, and we should all do something again too..maybe later in the month :)

Warren said...

I think also that the typical reason for not reconnecting is business. It just seems time gets away from us all the time.

I am sorry for your loss, I think that these types of missed connections are the most poignant. I remember feeling that way when my last grandparent passed away a few years ago.

Giovanna said...

This is a vital post. All we can take to Heaven with us are the relationships that we have with other people.

With so many people working in call centers, I see a lot of broken relationships. When these call centers finally come to an end, I wonder how these people will reconnect with their families.

We become selfish. We maybe unconciously stop relationships that don't help us with our goal or don't relate to how we want to reinvent ourselves. It's hard to love the unlovely--when someone is going through a bad patch and can't be outwardly nice. But that's when they need a friend the most.

Now with travel made so easily, many of our friends live all over the world. We have this cyber community and try to keep in touch. What you are talking about is actually seeing the person in real life--smelling them and touching them--two senses that the internet can not yet replicate. I think of how John wrote in III John, that he just wanted to see the person face to face. His letter was extremely short and almost unfinished. To me, that is a sign of real friendship.

Giovanna said...

So, Bungi, does this mean we can meet for a brownie delight at Sparkies next Sunday, followed by a decent coffee across the street?????

Marsha said...

Nice post Bungz! I am really sorry to hear abt your family member that passed away...

I can think of some people I should probably call! :-)

This post also makes me think of how connecting with someone new is just as hard for me as reconnecting is!

Animated Junk said...

sorry abt ur loss
i jus realise how little i hav spoken to my schoolmates over the years.
n i wud state a perinial state of low balance n being broke is yet one another reason for gettin outta touch

SandyCarlson said...

You just left a comment today on my reconnection story. My friend Paul and I reconnected after 24 years. And it was like no time had passed at all. And I realized how much I liked him and how much we had in common. This connection came about because of another reconnection with an old friend who found my blog. We were all friends in high school. Your post is dead on. Make the connections, one and all!

SandyCarlson said...

Thanks for stopping by Bungi. New text message: TINPTTM (text is nuts; please talk to me).

The Mahathma said...

bad wiring is the reason for poor connection
! use co axial cables !

nice post

JollyRoger said...

Great post and it made me think.

Incidentally just got back from dinner with old friend in Tangerine. Since our last meeting, she has separated from her husband and I have got married. Left me with mixed emotions.

Sorry about the loss.

Anonymous said...

If I reconnect with all the old friends then I'd have to pay back all the borrowed money... this way is better.

Daisy Blue said...

Ok!!Today I will connect with someone :)

Nancy said...

So did we disconnect? Will we stay connected even if we are half a world away?

Paul said...


As my friend Sandy, put it so well earlier there is little for me to say except take the chance and you might realy like the results. I know I do, I have my friend back!

Harold said...

Excellent piece.

Since I am a master in procrastination, I have tried coupling reconnecting with other activities, such as driving and surfing the net!