இளைப்பாறுதல் (Rest)

நான் தேடிய இளைப்பாறுதல்

மகிழ்ச்சியான நாட்களில் அடையவில்லை

மலைகளின் மத்தியிலும் கிட்டவில்லை

பூவின் சிரிப்பில் காணவில்லை

பட்சியின் பாடலில் கேட்கவில்லை

அமைதியான குளக்கரையில் அமைதி இல்லை

அலைமோதும் நீலக் கடற்கரையிலும் இல்லை

காற்றிலும் இல்லை

மண் வாசனையிலும் இல்லை

என் அன்பரின் சந்நிதானத்தில் தஞ்சம் புகுந்தேன்

நான் தேடியதை அங்கே கண்டேன்

For the benefit of my non-Tamil blogging friends, I have the translation below.

The rest I sought

I did not find it in happy days

Nor in the mountains

Not in the laughter of flowers

Nor in the song of birds

Not by the quite pond

Nor by the wavy seashore

Neither in wind

Nor in the smell of rain

I sought refuge in my Beloved's sanctuary

There I found what I was seeking after

I thought I will start writing in Tamil as well. I guess Choconet's multilingual blog has been my inspiration. Those of you that do know Tamil, please let me know if i have made any spelling errors. Thank you.

In the mirror

When I first heard the phrase 'intolerant of the intolerant', I was fascinated at having found a phrase to describe people that were… well, intolerant of those who were not tolerant. By being intolerant of the intolerant, they became the very thing they were fighting against. Being in India, which is a secular country, tolerance is a highly appreciated trait. I guess it is the same in many other places as well.

It is amazing, however, how we become intolerant of those who do not hold the same views us - even if it is views on tolerance...

The reason I am revisiting this whole thing is, I am struggling with intolerance towards those who do not think like me; who are not being broad-minded (as per my definition), kind, socially-minded, proud (to the extent of looking down on others), and on and on… I have become intolerant and unkind towards them, and proud of the fact that I am not like them. I am doing the very thing that I do not want others to do; I am being the very thing that I do not want to be.

Is this another period of struggle in my life where I am exposed to myself? A kind of a coming face to face with oneself? It is yet again time to rely on His grace, to allow Him to break me and make me... Yet again... It is not easy. But I do hope I would emerge reflecting Him a little better...

Cheap newspaper (?!)

This hoarding is put up on the way to my work... And it really irritates me. Why do they have to use sex to sell even newspapers?!!!

May i help you

What is it about the human nature that we resist asking for help? And we find it below us to seek help? Well, I don't only mean psychiatric help here. Well, even that. Why is that a taboo?

We hesitate to say 'I don't know. Can you please teach me?', 'I'm lost. Can you give me the directions?', 'I am in trouble. Can you please help me?'. These are simple statements really. But why does it take so much effort?

Why don't we want to be seen as weak persons? Being in need, being lost, asking for help makes us seem weak. And we don't want to appear weak.

And the world around us seems to encourage that. In most work places, you are expected to find the answers yourself, even if you are bloody new in that place*. We pride ourselves in being strong. We look down on those who are weak.

And we all put up a show. All sham.

All of us are weak. Looking. Searching. Seeking. Lost. None of really have it together.

I think there should be a movement fighting the sterotype. Break out from 'being strong and self-made is cool' to 'it is ok to be weak and lost.'

I guess it is only when we confess - to ourselves first - that we are weak do we really become strong.

* I am not talking about my work place. These are things i have heard from people.

p.s. - throught out writing this post, i kept spelling weak as week. Don't know why i am telling you guys this.

Blah...

...is how i feel now

Looking out of the window

This is from my old blog. As i don't have the time to write at the moment and as i had wanted to publish some of the posts from my old blog... Here it is...

I love the window seat. Be it the train, or the flight or even the exam hall. Wherever possible, I request for a window seat. There is something about the window seat. It gives you freedom. Although you are trapped inside you have the opportunity to be part of a whole new world. Sometimes it is your only route to freedom - especially when you are trapped inside of an exam hall and you don’t quite enjoy writing exams.

You may not be looking out of the window constantly. But you know it is there and you can look out of it when you please. And there may be times when you will perform the journey without looking out of the window for the most part of it. And when you are writing your exam, you cannot really look out of it for too long. You are actually writing your exam most of the time. (However hard you may hate writing exams, you definitely hate it even more to fail one. Failing means you have to write it again!!)

When you are on a long journey you are either reading or watching other people or just sleeping or watching a movie or listening to music (though listening to music and looking out of the window are not mutually exclusive. Sometimes, you like listening to music when you are looking out of the window. It adds to the enchantment.). The fact is you are just happy that you have the window to look out when you want to take a break from what’s happening in the world that you are expected to be in. you have an alternate world to escape into when you want. That offers you some sort of solace. I guess that is one of the reasons why windows are special. They offer a route of escape.

Windows are useful. They offer escape from the mundane. They are special. They open a new world to you. They open up your mind. They help you think. I have let a lot of thought run through my head when I have looked out of windows. Looking out of flight windows I have thought how big the world is and how small we are. Yet we are significant. I don’t know how to express it in words. Let me give it a try. The world is huge and vast. I occupy but one insignificant space on earth. Yet, I have this opportunity to travel and see the magnificence of some parts of it! Who am I?!

When I look out of the window of a train, I realise the vastness of the world we live in. the variety that is seen outside makes me take a second look at my outlook towards the seemingly insignificant of the world. Every person, every object, every hillock, every tree, every blade of grass, every cloud, every sunset, has beauty to offer – whether people take note of it or not. It is up to us to look at it and drink in the beauty the world has to offer.

I love the window seat…

The other side of outsourcing

I am embedding the video here. I think this is simply brilliant. If i change fields again, i think i will want to be involved in education. The future of India lies with the kids. I can watch this again and again just for the last 10 - 20 minutes of the show...

Why not to take the bus for long distance travel

These were the thoughts that were running through my head when I was riding back to here last night.

These buses aren't called 'semi-sleepers' for nothing. They deliver what they promise - 'semi-sleep'.

Have these bus guys ever heard of the word 'ergonomics'? Why do they make seats with such poor lower back support and such big head-rest?!

How the hell did I forget rule #1 when traveling by bus - to never drink water?

Q: How can you be aware of every bump and every pot-hole on the road?

A: By having a full bladder

Why does it take half an hour to go 10 km when you are traveling at over 60 kmph? Either the time seemed to be longer than it seemed (theory of relativity), or the distance was actually longer than 10 km. I personally think, the distance was longer.

Well, that's for now. That is all my tired brain can think after the semi-sleeper...

To love

If to be hurt because i loved - and loved deeply at that - is a mistake, I wish to God that i don't learn from that 'Mistake'.

I guess with loving comes vulnerability and that vulnerability is something that we honestly, truly desire...

What came first?

Nah. I am not going to talk about chicken and egg here.

Do you start with the topic and write the post?

or

Do you compose the post and then give it an appropriate topic?

Development - in what direction?

A couple of weeks ago, I was watching this show called 'The Other Side of Outsourcing' on Discovery Channel. I don't think I will go into details on what happened on the show. Rather I will talk about my opinions - many of which were presented in the show as well. This is not a well-researched, 'objective' report on outsourcing and poverty and stuff. It is more a personal opinion on these issues.

My feelings towards outsourcing is mixed. I have come across a few blogs that speak about outsourcing from the point of view of people whose countries are outsourcing. That also came out in the show I was talking about, although only a bit. I will be talking about it not in terms of depriving people of their jobs in their own countries but from the perspective of a person who lives in a country to which such jobs are outsourced.

I think outsourcing is good. It has created a lot of job opportunities for people here. Many people are earning what was not possible in the past. The 'quality' of life has improved for a lot of people. However, the whole aspect of having to live in the time zone and simulated culture of another country is something I am skeptical about. I think that is very unhealthy and we are going to end up with a whole new problem on our hands. I think we already have ended up with many issues.

Anyways, this development is great. However, this development has not trickled down to majority of the population. 40% of Indians are still living below the poverty line - that means on less than 2 US$ a day. There has been no change in their situation. In fact, I believe their situation is taking a turn for the worse. It is these people that are shuffled around and displaced* and dislocated for allowing 'development' to take place. Like pointed out in the show, these people are contributing to the outsourcing boom - by working as daily wage-earning construction workers.

That being said, I simply want to raise some questions. This post is not about simply presenting opinions. Neither it is about providing answers. I simply wish to raise questions and to think about the issue.

We talk about development. What is development? Is it like being the West? Is it by measuring our 'quality' of life against the 'quality' of life in the West? Who has canonized what is development? This has been something that I have been thinking about it. It's when I was watching the show, this whole concept of 'canonized' crystallized in my head. Is there an alternate definition for development? Shouldn't development be inclusive and touch all people involved?

You can watch the program on You Tube. It's a 45 minutes stuff.

* I spoke a little bit about the people being displaced in this post.

Disclaimer: As said earlier, this is not a well-researched piece. Neither am I an expert in development. I am simply sounding off my thoughts regarding these issues. Most of it is based on what I have seen, heard and experienced both in my personal life and in my profession as a development worker.

The new has begun...

The old is gone and the new has come...

This journal is the container of my hopes, fears, dreams, disappointment, lessons learnt, prayers, yada, yada between 18th Feb '06 and 06th May '07. Not bad that i managed to fill it up in just over a year. (Does taking down a couple of sermon notes, writing reminders in the last couple pages, and tearing a couple sheets to write notes to friends count as cheating?!)



I am starting on this new journal! Anju gifted me this one. It is the 'Coffee bean book'!! It has some '32 exotic coffee receipes'. It looks real cool and fun. I have been waiting to start on this since the day Anju gave it. But i wouldn't till i finished the old one. How exciting!!!

Five questions

Here are my answers to the five questions from Just sayin' at Site Insights.

1. What are your feelings towards Americans? Do you feel the label of "Ugly American" is deserved? Why, or why not?

My feelings towards Americans is different when compared to my feelings towards America.

I have met Americans who are lovely people and I really respect them and hold them in high esteem.

Now America is the larger whole. Here I see the collective. I do appreciate the fact that America gives much importance to the freedom of its citizens. No other country takes freedom so seriously. But sometimes I wonder if this freedom and rights thing is taken too far. I find it silly, the way people sue for things that they should have been responsible for. There are far more serious issues. I must also say that America has and is contributing positively to a lot of global issues like AIDS and poverty - but sometimes with the contribution comes too much control. The whole we-know-better-so-listen-up attitude gets a bit to me. I do wish that America will wake up to the fact that there is a world outside and it is not just about its rights and comfort.

So, it is a lot of opinions. Well, everyone has opinions on America. It is so big on the map that you can't miss it. I must also say, what is said here is opinion formed on the basis of experience and what I have heard and read. This may be far from the truth. Please feel free to tell me I am wrong, but do it kindly please. I have a gentle heart. And it is not my intention to offend anybody.

2. You've said on your blog that you are prejudiced against certain people groups and nationalities. And that you are not proud of that. And are am working on it. Can you expand on that?

As one may have noticed in the previous answer, I tend to have strong opinions about certain countries and people groups. And they may be biases most of the time - without any rationale. These biases, I tend to carry it towards individuals and label them. I am not proud of that. I am working on it. Try to remove my tinted glasses when I interact with people. Meanwhile, I am also working on the biases towards the country or the people group as a whole.

3. If you could change any one thing about your life... Anything... What would it be and why?

I wish I could give up chocolate chip cookies… They add a lot of pounds. That's why.

4. If you could change any one thing about the world... Anything... What would it be and why?

The calorie-adding nature of chocolate! Do I need to give a reason?

5. What has been your greatest accomplishment to date, and what is one thing you hope to accomplish in the future?

I have learnt touch-typing!! Yay! I can do some 310 characters per minutes. Pretty cool, huh?!

I hope to, umm… travel the world and meet different people and eat different foods and do different things! Ah… *spiraling down into the dreamland*

If you want to play too, simply type “interview me” in the comments with your email address - or - email me at bungi33@hotmail.com. I will respond by emailing you back 5 questions with my very own flavor and you have to answer them all. You then update your blog with the answers to the questions. You will also include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post. When others comment asking you to be interviewed, you will ask them 5 questions of your own.

Now is the time

Have you realised how...

...the pleasure of a musical piece stops after you become too familiar with it?
...the excitement of mystery stops after it is solved?
...magic ceases to be magic when you figure out how?

Oftentimes, we live to reach the end. But the magic is lost when you do reach the end. Guess the secret is in learning to also cherish the process of reaching the end. You see, the end is merely an illusion. Now is the reality.

10 things meme

I have been tagged (for the first time on blog) by Trish at The Coffee Shop. Now, i am supposed to write 10 things about myself and tag 10 other people after that. So, here goes...

1. The job i am currently working at is my second job. I lasted my first one for 22 months. I was hoping to last two complete years. Hopefully, with this one i will.

2. My job involves working with poor women doing micro business. And i love my job.

3. My supervisor says that i am possibly the only person in the organization who can relate well both with the senior managment and with the women in their huts. And that makes me special!! Yay!! *patting my own back*

4. I have lived away from home for more than half my life.

5. I am a very prejudiced person. I am prejudiced against certain people groups and nationalities. And i am not proud of that. And i am working on that.

6. I am a Hindu baktha (devotee) of Muktinath (Jesus Christ).

7. I like music that sounds dark and gloomy. No, i don't think i am depressive (except when i pms) but such music helps me focus. That brings me to the point that most of my music listening happens when i work.

8. I am an INFP on Myers-Briggs personality test. And the profile seems to be pretty accurate.

9. I want to get married. But i haven't met anybody that i think i can marry.

10. I love chocolate and coffee but i don't think i am addicted to either. And i don't overdo either. Ah well, i do occassionally overdo chocolate. Anju thinks that my preference for coffee is a result of the pop coffee culture. And i disagree.

And since i have this obession for eleven things at the moment...

11. I ride an automatic scooter. And think it better than driving a car as you can zip through traffic jams! I do wear a helmet. But occassionally, when i feel lazy, i don't.

Now to tag 10 people...

Anju

Archana

Me

Mimi

Zip

Katie

Just Sayin' (at Site Insights)

Crazedmama

Angel

Clarissa

It's your turn now people...

Currently reading: School of Obedience by Andrew Murray
Currently listening to: Seven Nation Army by the White Stripes

Update on eleven things

An update on the eleven things i had written some days ago.

1. Don't have the intense craving for something sweet now. Although i wouldn't mind a nice piece of creamy cake. (It is Maddy's fault. She was talking about black forest cake.)
2. Not listening to any music. Can only hear the steady hum of the air-con and my fingers on the keyboard.
3. My water bottle is empty. But i am not going to refill it as it is time to leave.
4. Again, i misspelt 'bottle' once before i got it right! (I don't believe this!!)
5. I finished the report i started on and even mailed it!
6. So, from the four reports i had to do i have completed three.
7. (No update for point #7)
8. I still have two more reports to go. I got a mail reminding about another report that needs to be done besides the four reports i was talking about.
9. I shortlisted and i spoke to my boss but i still need to finalize what i am sticking with.
10. Thank God i put down this point about printing train ticket. When i was re-reading this post at home, i remembered to take my ticket with me!
11. Not lazy now.

Today's Thought #6

You are going to wait for one thing or the other most of your life. So you might as well learn to wait well.

(Courtesy: Henrietta)

Back again!

This weekend has been one of the loveliest weekend in a long time. This is despite the fact that I did not get much time to myself or that I had to attend a wedding.

Being at the wedding was wearing me out. First of all, it was a big crowd. And quite a part of it was affluent crowd. I don't know what it is I have against people displaying their affluence. I guess it reminds me of certain people I don't wish to remember. Or perhaps it reminds me of what could have been but what is not. May be it just puts me off to see the way they flaunt it just to make themselves feel special - at the cost of making others feel unspecial. May be it was the whole façade thing - the unreal, the superficial or whatever. Ok. Whatever it was, I hated being there.

It was such a relief when we got back to my cousin's place after that. This meant that I was getting a chance to play with my cousin's children. My cousin and her family is visiting from the UK for a short while. This cousin of mine is my most favorite cousin. The older girl is about two and half years old and she was such fun. I had a wonderful time playing with her and singing 'Old MacDonald had a farm' with her!

Also, this weekend I got a message from my best buddy (who lives in an entirely different time zone) that she was going to call me! The thing is, it is very difficult to get her on the phone. She is traveling most of the time on work and I end up getting her voicemail most of the time. So, I waited for her call for a couple of evenings since she sent me the text. And the third evening when I was completely not expecting her call, my mobile phone starts ringing that ringtone! And I am staring at my mobile phone for a bit while it was flashing 'G calling…' I sat there digesting that for a moment and grabbed the phone to answer her!

We had a good chat for about 40 minutes. And she told me something that was like the cherry on the icing! (I am not free to disclose what it is now, but sometime in the future I will.) And she told me she has been reading my blog regularly!! :D